We can make mistakes at any age. Some mistakes we make are about money. But most mistakes are about people. One might say, “Did Jerry really care when I broke up (分手) with Helen?” “When I got that great job, did Jim really feel good about it, as a friend? Or did he envy (妒忌) my luck?” When we look back, doubts (怀疑) like these can make us feel bad.

Why do we go wrong about our friends? Sometimes what people want to say hides their real meaning. And if we don’t really listen, we miss the feeling behind the words. If someone tells you “You’re a lucky dog”, is he really on your side? If he says, “You are a lucky guy.” That’s being friendly. But if he says “a lucky dog”, there’s a bit of envy in those words. Maybe he doesn’t see it himself. But he puts you down a little if he brings in the “dog”. What he may say is that he doesn’t think you deserve (应得) your luck.

“Just think of all the things you have to be thankful for” is another phrase that says one thing and means another. It could mean that the speaker is trying to get you to see your problem as part of your life as a whole. But is he? The thought in this phrase is that your problem isn’t important. It’s telling you to think of all the starving (挨饿的) people in the world when you haven’t got a date for Saturday night.

How can you tell the real meaning behind someone’s words? One way is to take a good look at the person talking. Do his words fit the way he looks? Does what he says agree with the tone (语气) of voice, his posture (立场), or the look in his eyes? Stop and think. The minute you spend thinking about the real meaning of what people say to you may save another mistake. So when you hear someone saying, please try to know what he really means. Don’t just listen to what he says with your ears but feel the words he uses with your head. In this way you may make fewer mistakes.

How do you feel when your teacher asks you to work with other students in groups? Do you like to work together with others or work alone?

The Program for International Student Assessment(PISA)did a survey of students’ ability to work together in groups. They found that top students who do well on tests by themselves are better at working with other people. The finding was true for many countries. Students in Japan, South Korea, Finland and Canada, where test scores are high, also do well in working together to solve problems.

But this was not sure for every country. The collaborative(合作的)skills of top students in China, who also have high scores, are not high. “One reason might be that Chinese parents and teachers pay too much attention to grades,” said Zhao Zhongxin, the president of the Chinese family Education Association(CFEA). “Students have a lot of exam pressure and they think school is a place for competition. However, collaborative skills are very important for the students to solve the problems” he added, “luckily, more Chinese parents and teachers are realizing the importance of this and are thinking of ways to help students improve them.”

Another interesting finding from PISA survey was that girls are better than boys at working together. They said girls are more willing to listen to others’ opinions.

PISA also found that the classroom environment might influence how well students work with others. In classes there are a lot of activities that require communication, such as class discussion, students like to work with others.