Do you know what makes you happy or do you just think you know? At first, these two questions look the same. If you think something makes you happy, then it makes you happy. You know yourself, don't you?

Write a list of all the things that make you happy. How many of them are fun? Most of them? So if you spend your time doing all these fun things, you'll be really happy, won't you?

Well, maybe not. For most people, fun isn't enough for real happiness, Paul Dolan wrote a book called Happiness by Design. He thinks happiness comes from both pleasure and purpose. If most of the things on your list are about pleasure, that is what you think makes you happy. But you also need activities with purpose.

If you're a student, your job is studying and passing exams. It's easy to do well in subjects you like, but subjects you don't like are less motivating. They're not fun for you, but you have to study them so you need to find purpose. An A in a subject you hate won't help the world. But can you be part of a study team with friends? Each person can study one part until they understand it and then teach it to the rest of the group. The purpose becomes helping the team.

Go back to your list of things that make you happy. How many of them are activities that bring purpose? Can you add any? Remember, some activities might bring both pleasure and purpose.

Now you need to design a happy life. Paul Dolan believes people should "decide, design, do." First decide what brings you pleasure and purpose, then, don't just think about these activities, fill your life with them. For example, you might love riding a bike but never have time to do it. So ride to school or the library or the shops. If you live too far away, take your bike on the bus or train. Get off early and ride the rest of the way. If you go in the car, put it in the back, stop a few kilometres away and ride the rest. Or move somewhere you can ride more. Some parts of our lives are good or bad luck, but we can still design the rest to make more happiness.

I’d flown across the country to attend a special ceremony held for those new soldiers and their parents in Georgia. Over the weekend, my son and I spent our time together in Columbus, a small town there. Being a vegetarian, I’d prepared a list of cafes and restaurants that offered food without meat. We finally went to a cafe.

I’m an American, but my son looks Asian, because his father is Japanese. I noticed that, like Columbus itself, the cafe was filled with persons. The place was so cheerful.

After we’d finished eating, I went to the restroom and waited for the person ahead of me to come out. An older black customer dressed in a green suit and hat headed to the restroom and I quietly said to her, “Oh, someone is still in there.” She looked at me with a cheerful, sweet smile and said, “Thank you!”

Then she turned to my son dressed in his military (军事的) uniform, chatted with him a bit, and suddenly gave him a huge hug, telling him he was such a fine man, that he’d made a smart decision to choose a military career (职业), and that she was thankful for his service!

My son shyly thanked her, nodding and saying. “Thank you, ma’am” many times.

But with this sudden and short meeting, I was given a gift that I really needed. I’d been feeling very worried and lonely up until that point, as I was the only person there to support my son that weekend, but also being the one person worried about his choice. Yet here was a beautiful black mother encouraging him, in front of a quiet white woman hardly holding it all together.

Out of all the valuable moments in my life, this moment in the cafe was where love won over all!