My father used to say to me “Have you checked the oil in the car”, which is his version of “Hello, hope you are well”. Sometimes our phone calls would begin with an inquiry about the oil, with not a lot in between.

Fathers have a lot of love to give, but it’s often supplied through the medium of practical advice. The affectionate “You made my life better from the moment you were born” may be rarely heard, but there is the more common “I’ll hold the ladder while you get the leaves off the roof”.

Why can’t our fathers just say “I love you” or “It’s great to see you”? The point is: That’s exactly what we are saying. You just have to translate from the language that is Fatherlish. Listen closely enough and “I love you” can be heard in the lengthier “I could come around Saturday and replace the silicon seal around the base of your toilet because I reckon that thing is getting really smelly”.

When I was 17, I went on my first road trip. My father stood on the corner in the predawn of a cold morning to bid us farewell. “Highways are dangerous,” he said, “so don’t try overtaking anything faster than a horse and buggy. And take a break every two hours. And every time you stop for gas, you really should check the oil.” At the time we thought his speech was funny and would chant “horse-and-buggy” every time I floored the accelerator.

Dad’s long gone now. But after all these years, I realize that had I owned a copy of the Fatherlish-to-English dictionary, I’d have understood that the speech my friend and I so casually mocked (嘲笑)was simply Dad’s attempt at affection.

Living and dealing with kids can be a tough job these days, but living and dealing with parents can be even tougher.

If I have learned anything in my 16 years, it is that communication is very important, both when you disagree and when you get along. With any relationship, you need to let other person know how you are feeling. If you are not able to communicate, you drift apart()疏远). When you are mad at your parents, or anyone else, not talking to them doesn’t solve anything.

Communication begins with the concerns of another. It means that you can’t just come home from school, go up to your room and ignore everyone. Even if you just say “Hi”, and see how their day was for five minutes, it is better than nothing.

If you looked up the word “communication” in a dictionary, it would say “the exchange of ideas, the conveyance（表达）of information, correspondence （通信）, means of communication: a letter or a message”. To maintain (保持) a good relationship, you must keep communication strong. Let people know how you feel, even if it’s just by writing a note.

When dealing with parents, you always have to make them feel good about how they are doing as a parent. If you are trying to make them see something as you see it, tell them that you’ll listen to what they have to say, but ask them politely to listen to you. Yelling or walking away only makes the situation worse.

This is an example: one night, Sophie went to a street party with her friends. She knew she had to be home by midnight after the fireworks, but she didn’t feel she could just ask to go home. That would be rude. After all, they had been nice enough to take her along with them. Needless to say, she was late getting home. Her parents were mad at first, but when Sophie explained why she was late, they weren’t as mad and let the incident go. Communication is the key factor here. If Sophie’s parents had not been willing to listen, Sophie would have been in a lot of trouble.

Communication isn’t a one-way deal: it goes both ways. Just remember: if you get into a situation like Sophie’s, telling the other person how you feel and listening is the key factor to communication.