Asking for help is a sign of strength rather than weakness. In American culture, the independent individual is seen as their ideal. As the University of Missouri at St. Louis states on its website under the heading Key American Values, “Americans have been trained since very early in their lives to consider themselves as separate individuals who are responsible for their own situations in life and their own destinies.” The value also makes them think they can do everything themselves, and makes them feel bad about asking for help when they need it.

And when it comes to work situations, when they think about asking for help there, sometimes they fear that a request for help would make them look inept. While this has always been true for men, many women in the workplace have felt the need to try twice as hard as their male colleagues and do twice as much to get just as far and to prove their worth. Sometimes when we think about asking for help, our inner voices tell us, “See, if you admit you can’t do this on your own, they’ll see you for the imposter (骗子) you really are.”

But the fact is, even though individualism is on the rise, we can’t do everything by ourselves and we shouldn’t try.

Apple founder Steve Jobs once told the Santa Clara Valley Historical Association about the power of asking for help, and how he “never found anybody who didn’t want to help me when I asked them for help”. He said, at the age of 12, he called Bill Hewlett, co-founder of Hewlett-Packard, on the phone after getting his number from the phone book and asking him for spare parts so he could build a frequency counter(计频器). And Hewlett agreed and offered young Jobs a summer job assembling frequency counters.

“If you’re afraid of failing, you won’t get very far,” Jobs said.

Compassion may be something that one is born with, but actually being good at caring for others requires experience and a certain set of skills. An early opportunity to develop and practice these skills came with the birth of my brother when I was in 5^th grade. Although it took great patience to deal with a small child, I found deep joy in something so simple as watching him grow day by day.

Not only did I enjoy taking care of my little brother, but I volunteered at the Organization for Special Needs Families (OSNF) in my neighborhood so I could apply and further develop my childcare skills. I was partnered with Matthew, a 10-year-old with curly blond hair and blue eyes. He didn’t look different from other kids, but he had difficulty controlling his emotions, especially anger. His biggest problem was that he couldn’t go to the toilet himself. Every day I had to clean up his mess if he pooped in his pants. It was just like the “good old days” with my little brother before I successfully toilet-trained him.

Although I was never going to be able to toilet-train Matthew, I was able to change his life in another way. We had swimming three times a week, but Matthew was hopelessly afraid of the water. At first, Matthew just sat on the steps of the pool and did nothing. I pushed him slowly down the stairs until he was at last standing in the shallowest part of the pool. The next day, I pushed him a little further into the water. By the third day, he completely trusted me to take him into the pool. Maybe my large size also helped give him a sense of security. He did not have to be afraid of anything when a 200-pound guy was holding him tight. I felt so proud as I saw him standing there in the pool, happily playing with other kids in the water. The OSNF adult leaders told me that I was the only volunteer who had been able to take care of Matthew well. I think what made the difference is the belief I had in Matthew, like how I had always believed in my little brother.

Helping Matthew “grow” to overcome his fear of water made me realize things do not happen overnight. Real magic is a result of patience, and miracles happen when one believes in them.

Good relationship are definitely good sources of happiness in life. We all want happy relationships but if we do not keep that relationship alive, it can also be one of the most distraught things in life. There may be no hard and fast rules in making good relationships, as each of us has different preferences and points of view as to what is a great relationship. The following are some major key players in making relationships work.

It is often said that building good relationship is all about communication. Good communication indeed governs a good relationship---knowing the right thing to say, when to say it, how to say it, and accepting some things that are better left unsaid. I personally think communication must be broadened because relationships involve more decisions to make. From study to work, from money to entertainment and even in things about yourself or about your friends that you do not know, communication is essential in these aspects of the relationships.

Of course, being with someone is not saying that you totally agree with him or her all the time. You and your friends come from different family backgrounds, raised in different environment so there may be disagreement here and there. However, it is important in making relationship work to express disagreements without pushing the relationship to end. Again, good communication and learning to compromise (妥协) at times are essential.

As relationships last longer, you may also discover things about you and your friends that you may not have known before. Therefore supporting each other on both your “hidden selves” can also make a good relationship.

Love is an important aspect of building relationships and for me, I always believe that love needs open communication, respect, support and understanding each other in making relationships work.