Three very strong women — my mother, my grandmother and Melinda — deserve big credit for helping me become the man I am today. But Blanche Caffiere, a very kindly teacher and librarian I’ve never written about publicly before, also had a huge influence on me.

Mrs. Caffiere died in 2006, shortly after reaching her 100th birthday. Before she passed away, I had an opportunity to thank her for the important role she played in my life, arousing my passion for learning at a time when I easily could have gotten turned off by school.

When I first met Mrs. Caffiere, she was the elegant and engaging school librarian at Seattle’s View Ridge Elementary, and I was a fourth grader. I was desperately trying to go unnoticed, because I had some big defects (缺陷), like dysgraphia (书写障碍), and had a comically messy desk. And I was trying to hide the fact that I liked to read — something that was cool for girls but not for boys.

Mrs. Caffiere took me under her wing and helped make it okay for me to be a messy, nerdy boy who was reading lots of books. She pulled me out of my shell. She started by asking questions like, “What do you like to read?” and “What are you interested in?” Then she found me a lot of books. For example, she gave me great biographies she had read. Once I’d read them, she would make the time to discuss them with me. “Did you like the book?” she would ask. “Why? What did you learn?” She genuinely listened to what I had to say. Through those book conversations in the library and in the classroom we became good friends.

Teachers generally don’t want to burden their students with extra reading beyond the homework they’ve assigned. But I learned from Mrs. Caffiere that my teachers had so much more knowledge to share. I just needed to ask. Up through high school and beyond, I would often ask my teachers about the books they liked, read those books when I had some free time, and offer my thoughts.

Looking back on it now, there’s no question that my time with Mrs. Caffiere helped spark my interest in libraries and my focus on helping every child in America get the benefit of great teachers. I should give some credit to the dedicated teacher and librarian who helped me find my strengths when I was nine years old. It’s remarkable how much power one good person can have in shaping the life of a child.

Two years ago I was very lonely and didn’t talk with anyone about my feelings. At the time I didn’t have many friends. I wanted someone to share my experiences and secrets with. I wanted someone to understand me. I started to imagine this friend and often imagined our conversations and what we would do.

Some weeks later we started a new project in school and I was working with one of my schoolmates. We had never worked together before but we got along well. After the project we started to spend some time together in school. One day we decided to take a walk. Ever since that walk we’ve been best friends. We listened and really understood each other.

I had wished for a best friend, but the universe gave me so much more. I have met one of my soul mates. We can sense each other, and it just takes one look and we know what the other is thinking. I didn’t think our friendship could grow much stronger. But now we have known each other for two years and our friendship is growing all the time.

It hasn’t only been easy. We have gone through both easy and hard times. But I’m thankful for the hard times, because they have forced me to grow and taught me a lot. My best friend has changed me. She has made me believe in myself. And I am now focusing on achieving one of my biggest dreams. Without her I wouldn’t even have realized what my biggest dream is.

I know there are soul mates out in the world for you. I am so thankful to have met one of mine. Believe in them, and your paths will cross!

How to Encourage a Sad Friend

Nobody likes to see someone sad, but you can’t sit by and do nothing when it’s your friends. 【小题1】 Here are some suggestions on how you can encourage your sad friends.

Ask them what’s wrong.

Ask them if they want to talk about it. They may want to talk. Therefore, listen to them. Be silent and don’t interrupt. You don’t need to offer your words of advice unless they ask. 【小题2】 Give them some time to process the situation and their feelings.

【小题3】

Remind them that they’re a great person and how much they mean to you. Acknowledge their feelings when they share their pain. Continue to show them kindness and encouragement. Continue to be a loyal friend.

Offer to take them somewhere fun.

Offer to go shopping together. That can be a fun adventure. 【小题4】 Your friends may initially decline your invitation. Encourage them and tell them that they don’t need to be alone during this sad time, and that getting around other people would be good for them.

Buy them a nice gift.

The gift could be something as simple as a small box of candy, or their favorite flowers. Any of those items will tell your friends that you’re thinking of them in their time of need. 【小题5】 Your friends will remember what you did for them when they’re alone and sad.