Each human being is born as something new, something that never existed before. Each is born with the capacity to win at life. Each person has a unique way of seeing, hearing, touching, tasting and thinking. 【小题1】 Each can be a significant, thinking, aware, and creative being—a productive person, a winner.

Winners do not dedicate their lives to a concept of what they imagine they should be; rather, they are themselves and as such do not use their energy putting on a performance, maintaining pretence, and handling others, they are aware that there is a difference between being loving and acting loving, between being stupid and acting stupid, between being knowledgeable and acting knowledgeable.【小题2】

【小题3】They can separate facts from opinion and don’t pretend to have all the answers. They listen to others; evaluate what they say, but come to their own conclusions. Although winners can admire and respect other people, they are not totally defined, demolished, bound, or awed by them.

Winners do not play “helpless”, nor do they play the blaming game.【小题4】 They do not give others false authority over them. Winners are their own bosses and know it.

【小题5】Winners respond appropriately to the situation. Their responses are related to the message sent and preserve the significance, worth, well-being and dignity of the people involved. Winners know that for everything there is a reason and for every activity a time.

Holiday was over. The school bus was due to pick up my daughters in four minutes, and they were doing their last minute gathering of shoes, water bottles, lunches, and backpacks.

“Don’t forget it’s Tuesday,” I called to my eight-year-old daughter as she headed for the boots lying next to the door. “Tennis shoes for P.E.,” I added.

My child suddenly stopped and turned to face me, grasping her right arm with her left. “Mama, my arm hurts today. Could you write me a note that says my arm is sore?”

“You want me to write a note now? You should have thought of it sooner.”

“Sore arm? Let me guess — too much Nintendo Wii (一种电子游戏)?”

“You will be fine. Come on, we need to go. The bus is coming.”

I thought of those responses.

But I didn’t say them.

From past experiences, I could see how this situation would play out if I chose sarcasm (讽刺), unfriendliness, and annoyance over understanding, responsiveness, and respect.

Choosing unfriendliness in a moment of conflict had once resulted in breaking into pieces my husband’s coffee pot in the kitchen sink.

And then came regret.

Anger was the reason I lost all control one day when I was unable to locate my car in a sea of vehicles.

And then came regret.

Despite the years that have passed since those incidents, I can still see my children’s faces, staring at me in horror wondering what had become of me in those moments.

I disliked myself in those moments. I wanted to run away and hide. But most of all, I didn’t want to be that changeable person anymore.

Facing one of those situations, I knew my response could either make or break the situation. So I took a 3-second pause before opening my mouth.

I noticed there were real tears welling in my daughter’s eyes…real tears she didn’t want to fall… real tears she was actually pushing back with her fingers.

That 3-second pause was just long enough for me to realize this sadness, this pain, this worry of my child’s was real. And a note to the P.E. teacher was very important to her.

I wrote the quick note, and handed it to my child. I never knew I had the power to hand someone a little bit of peace, comfort…

“Thank you, Mama,” she said quietly, color coming back to her face.

I thought of my child’s sore arm throughout the day. And although I don’t always make the right choice with my words, I knew I had that time.

“When I got to P. E., I saw they were doing something I could do, even with a sore arm. So I kept the note in my pocket and played,” my daughter told me later.

Thank goodness, things are different now. The goal of each tough situation is to speak in a way I can be heard … to listen in a way that the other person can be heard … and to walk away feeling at peace with the way the situation was handled.

I’ve started a new list — a list of thoughtful responses that I’ve offered. This list inspired me to write a hopeful reminder — 3-second pauses have the power to save a morning, spare some pain, and prevent regret from being a lifelong companion. May it bring someone else hope too!