In the summer of 2019, Tomas Quinones was undertaking a seven-day “bikepacking” trip, covering some remote desert in Southern Oregon, US. His trip had been marked with the usual minor troubles. But there had also been those moments of unexpected kindness from strangers.

On the last day of his trip, he was riding down a dusty track when he came upon a man lying unconscious on the desert floor. Quinones tried to give him some water with little success. Luckily, he called the emergency rescue team and an ambulance arrived within an hour. “I never had a doubt about what I would do,” he said. Quinones, who’d received some gestures of help over the course of his trip, paid it forward.     

The odds are, if you’ve spent any time in the wild, you’ll have experienced these gestures of kindness from strangers or given them yourself too even if they were nothing so dramatic as the aid given by Quinones.

So what is it about being outside in nature that makes people want to help others? The first explanation is that in the wild, there may not be any other help. According to the “bystander effect”, the more people who are in the presence of someone needing help, the less likely any of those people are to actually provide it.

But another idea is that there is something about nature itself that seems to promote “prosocial” attitudes. As a recent study suggests, exposure to nature can promote feelings of transcendence-a sense of connection to other people, to the world around us and to the universe.

When we take adventure into the wild, we are easy to get hurt. And that makes us look at the world differently. So, in the wild, where we lose our normal possessions, surroundings and identities, we seem more willing to go the extra mile for someone. It’s in nature that we can learn new things about humanity.

Whenever we see a button, we want to press it because we know that something will happen.This is true in most cases, for example, on a doorbell.But some buttons are actually fake (假的), like the “close” button on a lift.

Many people are in the habit of pressing the “close” button because they don't have the patience to wait.But lifts' “close” buttons are a complete trick, at least in the US—the doors will not close any faster no matter how hard you press.

It started in the 1990s when the Americans with Disabilities Act was passed in the US, making sure that all lifts stayed open long enough so that people with disabilities could enter safely.Only repair workers can use the buttons to speed up the door­closing process if they have special keys.

But to normal lift riders, the buttons aren't completely useless.According to psychologists, fake buttons can actually make you feel better by offering you a sense of control.

“A sense of control is very important.It reduces stress and increases well­being，” said Ellen J．Langer，a psychology professor at Harvard University.Experts also added that a lot of buttons that don't do anything exist in our lives for this same purpose.

For example, pedestrian crosswalk buttons don't live up to their names either.Pressing them used to help make the traffic signals change faster, but that was before computer­controlled traffic signals were introduced.

But psychologists found it interesting that even when people are aware of these little “white lies”， they still continue to push fake buttons because as long as the doors eventually close, it is considered to be worth the effort.

Barbara and I were having dinner with four friends of ours. As the evening progressed, one friend talked about his struggle with a sister, who, at the age of 30, often quarreled with him. That prompted another friend to share how his brother was over dependent on his 70-year-old mother. He explained that he didn’t know how his brother would survive after his mother died. Another friend shared a situation with his 40-year-old sister who didn’t have a job and was regularly financially rescued by them. A fourth friend complained about a sibling (兄弟姐妹) who at 35 couldn’t make a basic decision and spent most of his time going to watch motor racing. By the time we finished dessert, I commented, "I wonder if this is just what occurs in most families?'

And then, as Barbara and I drove home, the thought struck me: the problem with families is that all of us come from one!

Adult sibling relationships in families are like the weather-stormy at times, unpredictable and destructive. You may have a distant relationship with a sister. Perhaps you and your brother are no longer in contact with each other. Whatever your situation, I’d like to offer a couple of thoughts that might help you weather the storm.

Everyone comes from a less than perfect family. So you are not alone in dealing with your family relationships. The question is this: how will we respond to a sibling who is not making wise choices?

First, stop trying to change your sibling. At some point, you may have to let him or her be who he or she is. Second, give up your “911” job in your sibling’s life. If you have a tendency to take responsibility for his or her life by rescuing him or her, resign from that role. Third, ask for help from some friends. Gather a couple of wise friends and ask them to give you some guidance. Finally, if your sibling continues making unwise choices, a formal intervention by family members may be necessary.