One recent night， while I was leafing through its pages of an old journal， my eyes met a quote by the British writer Graham Greene that I had marked， “A prejudice had something in common with an ideal.”In other words， ideals—general descriptions of people's expectations of themselves and others—can often lead us to unreasonable ideas.It got me thinking about how we often allow ourselves to generalize about groups of people.We like to stereotype people by the color of their skin， the year of their birth or any other related factors.

I grew up in a multi-racial corner of America.The different groups were often subject to narrow stereotypes：Jewish people were“greedy”， Mexicans were“poorly educated”， and Asians were“good at math”.These labels were taught to us from a young age.They wormed their way into our belief systems， harming how we came to see others.It made me sad growing up to see people repeat these stereotypes as if they were true.The rush-to judgment of people breeds a culture of discrimination.

You can also see these over-generalized descriptions being made against today's Chinese people.Whether it be a lack of interest or worry among mile millennial being described as “monkish”， or“dad-fashion”which has given the“greasy middle-aged men”tag.stereotypes always seem to gain a foothold in the consciousness of our society.But these generalizations do real harm as these myths may become part of the wider population.

It's about time that we， as a society， walked away from generalizations and stereotypes.I leave you with the words of Martin Luther King Jr.from his famous“I Have a Dream”speech：“T look to a day when people will not be judged by the color of their skin， but by the content of their character.”By reserving judgment and really getting to know the individual you might just find your irrational ideas have no foundation.

I’m in a coffee shop in Manhattan and I’m about to become the most disliked person in the room. First, I’m going to interrupt the man reading quietly near the window and ask for a drink of his latte. Next, I’m going to ask the line of people waiting to pay if I can cut to the front of the queue. This is how I chose to spend my last vacation. Here’s why.

Growing up, all I ever heard about was “EQ.” It was the mid-1990s, and psychologist Daniel Goleman had just popularized the concept of emotional intelligence. Unlike IQ, which tracked conventional measures of intelligence like reasoning and recall, EQ measured the ability to understand other people — to listen, to empathize (共情), and to appreciate.

My mother, an elementary school principal, prized brains and hard work, but she placed a special emphasis on Goleman’s new idea. To her, EQ was the elixir (万能药) that separated the good students from the great after they left school. She was determined to send me into the adult world with as much of this elixir as possible.

But when I finally began my first job, I noticed a second elixir in the pockets of some of my colleagues. It gave their opinions extra weight and their decisions added impact. Strangest of all, it seemed like the anti-EQ: Instead of knowing how to make others feel good, this elixir gave people the courage to do the opposite — to say things others didn’t want to hear.

This was assertiveness (魄力). It boiled down to the command of a single skill: the ability to have uncomfortable conversations. Assertive people — those with high “AQ”— ask for things they want, decline things they don’t, provide constructive feedback, and engage in direct confrontation (对峙) and debate.

A lifetime improving my EQ helped me empathize with others, but it also left me overly sensitive to situations where I had to say or do things that might make others unhappy. While I didn’t avoid conflict, I was always frustrated by my powerlessness when I had to say or do something that could upset someone. This is my problem and I’m working on it.

Are you a loser? Great. Because studies show that if you want to be a success, you need to know how to fail.

The Secret of Success

Many social scientists agree that what successful people have in common is this: They were failures.

There’s George Washington, the top general of America’s troops in the Revolutionary War, who lost two huge battles and was nearly fired. There’s Steve Jobs, who developed failed products, before returning to change the world with the iPod, iPhone, and iPad. The list goes on: From Katy Perry and Hall of Fame basketball legend Michael Jorden to Glee star Chris Colfer. They were dropped from record labels, cut from basketball teams, or bullied in school. They used to feel humiliated, lost and hopeless.

But they eventually figured out how to move forward. Experts call this resilience---being able to recover from setbacks. Amy Fineburg, Ph.D.,a specialist in psychology said “We grow by pushing beyond the limits of what we can do today.” So next time you fail a test or strike out at bat or sing off-key, don’t give up.

“That’s how we grow,” says Amy Fineburg, Ph. D., an Alabana educator who specializes in Psychology. “We grow by pushing beyond the limits of what we can do today.”

Miranda’s Story

Miranda stared tae kwon do when she was 7, and for years she lost every competition she entered. She decided to quit. However, at the urging of her father, she worked harder, got improved, kept at it and improved even more. Miranda never became the champion she’s dreamed of becoming, but she stuck with it long enough to earn her black belt by age 12.

“I could easily have said: I’m a failure, I should never have tried,” she says. “But I’m really proud that I kept at it.”

The experience taught Miranda that she could fail and still go on to succeed. Today at 17, she finally winning medal---at Irish stepdancing. When she first started, she was bad at that, too. But her experience in tad kwon do built up her resilience muscles. So she didn’t see her struggle in dance as failures. She saw them as part of the process of achieving success.

The Right Attitude

One of history’s proudest failures was inventor Thomas Edison. He looked at his failures as situations that he could fix. So how resilient are you? Say you do poorly on a text in school, do you say, “I did badly because I watched TV last night?” Then how to move in is obvious: Turn off   the TV and study harder. Or would you say, “I failed the test because I have zero talent in math?” With this type of thinking, changes seem impossible to make.

The good news? Studies show that with Practice, people can change their way of thinking.

Just ask Michael Jordan

“I’ve missed more than9,000 shots in my career,” he says. “I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”