Making Peace with Your Parents

As a teen, you’re going through big changes physically and mentally. Your interests are increasing.【小题1】Sometimes conflicts can’t be avoided. But by paying attention to the building blocks of successful relationships, you can work towards making home a happy and healthy place for you and your parents.

For instance, try to find a time to talk when your parents are not angry, tired, distracted or hungry. A good time to talk is when you’re all relaxed. Timing is everything. If the conversation begins to turn into an argument, you’d better calmly and coolly ask to stop the conversation for now.【小题2】Listen to what your parents are saying, and repeat it back to them. This shows them that you’re listening.【小题3】Respect is the building block of good communication. People who respect each other and care about each other’s feelings can disagree without getting things ugly.【小题4】 How do you build trust? Trust comes by actually doing what you say you’re going to do. Some teens find that doing fun activities with their parents can improve their relationships. Sometimes we forget that parents are more than rule-maker, they’re interesting people who like to watch movies and go shopping-just like their teenagers!

What do you do if you are trying your best, but your relationship with your parents continues to be rocky?【小题5】You can find supportive adults, such as a teacher or a coach, who can lend an ear. Remember you can only change your own behavior. Your parents are the only ones who can change theirs.

A handsome middle-aged man walked quietly into the café and sat down. Before he ordered, he couldn’t help but noticed a group of younger men at the table next to him. It was obvious they were making fun of something about him and it wasn’t until he remembered he was wearing a small pink ribbon (丝带) on the lapel of his suit that he became aware of what the joke was all about.

The man pretended not to notice it, but the whisper and laughter began to get to him. He looked one of the rude young men straight into the eye, placed his hand beneath the ribbon and asked, “This?”

With that the young men all began to laugh out loud. The man he spoke to said, “Hey, sorry, man, but we were just commenting on how pretty your little pink ribbon looks against your blue jacket!”

The middle-aged man calmly invited the joker to come over to his table, and politely seated him. As uncomfortable as he was, the young guy had to, not really sure why. In a soft voice, the middle-aged man said, “I wear this ribbon to bring awareness about breast cancer. I wear it in my mother’s honor.”

“Oh, sorry. She died of breast cancer?”

“No, she didn’t. She’s alive and well. But her breasts nourished me as a baby, and were a soft resting place for my head when I was scared or lonely as a little boy. I’m very grateful for my mother’s breasts, and her health.”

“Umm,” the young replied, “yeah.”

“And I wear this ribbon to honor my wife,” the man continued.

“And she’s okay, too?” the young guy asked.

“Oh, yes. She’s fine. Her breasts have been a great source of loving pleasure for both of us, and with them she nurtured and nourished our daughter 23 years ago. I’m grateful for my wife’s breasts, and her health.”

“Uh, huh. And I guess you wear it to honor your daughter, also?”

“No. It’s too late to honor my daughter by wearing it now…”

Shaken and ashamed, the young guy said, “Oh, I’m so sorry, mister.”

“So, in my daughter’s memory, too, I proudly wear this little ribbon, which allows me the opportunity to enlighten others. And here…” With this, he reached in his pocket and handed the young man a little pink ribbon. The young guy looked at it, slowly raised his head and asked, “…?”

Sten Kirkbak, father of four and co-founder of XPLORA, shares his thoughts on how parents can balance screen time with playtime.

Establish rules around screen time early on

Before giving your child their first smartphone, make sure that both you and your child learn about digital responsibility so that your child can fully understand and respect these boundaries. 【小题1】 They include not responding to texts from unknown numbers, never sharing their personal information online or with anyone they don't know, among others.

Make a contract for the whole family to agree to

【小题2】 It is a good way to better establish consistency, clarity and respect around screen time for both of you. It could cover everything from specific times when digital devices are off-limits to all family members, to agreeing on a selection of games that can be played without supervision.

What about parental controls?

When your child first begins to use their smartphone, establishing parental controls is a good idea. 【小题3】 But be sure to explain your reasoning for your controls to your child, so that they understand why they can't have access to some things.

【小题4】

Telling your child to avoid screens if you are constantly attached to one is likely to result in tension and frustration. As a parent, it's important to be a good role model for your child, not only with regards to technology but within everyday life.

Reinforce the value of physical play

I recommend finding ways to replace screen time with play and physical activity. 【小题5】By making the toys and games that your child looks forward to playing with accessible, they rely less on technology for passive entertainment.