To put it simply, stress can be the father of growth, while a crisis can be the mother of innovation. The notion that great good can emerge from great adversity (逆境) is as old as the legend of the great phoenix (凤凰), who not only arises but soars to new heights from its own ashes.

In 1598, William Shakespeare penned the play As You Like It. One of the most famous lines from that play is spoken in Act 2 Scene 1 by Duke Senior, “Sweet are the uses of adversity which, like the toad (癞蛤蟆), ugly and venomous, wears yet a precious jewel in his head.” Even 500 years ago, the potential value of adversity was recognized, not by a great healer, but by a great playwright. Can this really be the case?

Fast-forward to the great silent film star Mary Pickford. She was called the most popular actress in the world in the 1910s and 1920s. Failing to continue acting with the advent of the “talkies”(movies with recorded sound), she co-founded the film company United Artists. Shifting her talents to producing and directing, she became the most powerful woman in the entertainment industry. She once noted, “You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing that we call ‘failure’ is not the falling down, but the staying down.”

Rather than fear and try to avoid adversity, perhaps we should accept the inevitability (必然) of adversity and prepare for it. Indeed, positive things can emerge from adversity.

Adversity reveals true opportunities for those preparing to take advantage. Dr. John Krumboltz’s happenstance theory states that career and life development is best fostered by preparing for opportunities that you may not know even exist in the current moment. Numerous unpredictable factors are potentially shaping the future. These include the crises adversity brings.

In Friedrich Nietzsche’s book, Behold the Man, the German philosopher writes that a person who has “turned out well” could be recognized by the ability to take advantage of and prosper from adversity, just as he wrote before, “What does not kill him makes him stronger.”

So, the next time adversity enters your life, will you run from it, or will you embrace it and use it as a step ping stone to greater happiness and success?

My wife, daughter, and I moved into our home nine years ago and we spent a lot of time and energy in the yard to get it looking like the way it does today. We live on a corner, higher than street level, and the entire side of the yard is surrounded by a professionally built rock wall. The front of the house though is another story because instead of a wall along the sidewalk, the rocks appear to be just thrown up onto the dirt as if someone were in a hurry to finish.

We did the best we could with what we had to work with and called this area our “rock garden”. Whenever we had leftover flowers or plants, Denise or I would stick them out front, just to bring some color to the area. We would do all of the yard work on our own, even the tiring weed-pulling.

Last summer I had reached the end of the rock garden and found a tiny little plant that I could not immediately identify, I knew I didn’t plant it and Denise claimed that she didn’t either. We decided to let it continue growing until we could figure out what it was.

Weeks passed and as I made my way back to the mystery plant, it appeared to be a sunflower with a tall skinny stalk(茎，杆) and only one head on it. I decided to baby it along and weed around it. As I pulled rocks from the area to get to the weeds, I noticed something unusual. The sunflower had not started where I saw the stalk begin. It actually had begun under a big rock and grown under and around it to reach the sun.

That’s when I realized that if a tiny little sunflower didn’t let a big rock stand in its way of developing, we too have the ability of doing the same thing. Once our environment begins to see that we believe in ourselves like that little sunflower, we can attain the same nourishment(营养) and growth as well.

Stand tall like the sunflower and be proud of who and what you are and the environment will begin to support you. You will find a way to go under or around your big obstacle in order to reach your desires.

Is forgiveness against our human nature? To answer our question, we need to ask a further question: What is the essence of our humanity? For the sake of simplicity, people consider two distinctly different views of humanity. The first view involves dominance and power. In an early paper on the psychology of forgiveness, Droll (1984) made the interesting claim that humans’ essential nature is more aggressive than forgiving allows. Those who forgive are against their basic nature, much to their harm. In his opinion, forgivers are compromising their well-being as they offer mercy to others, who might then take advantage of them.

The second view involves the theme of cooperation, mutual respect, and even love as the basis of who we are as humans. Researchers find that to fully grow as human beings, we need both to receive love from and offer love to others. Without love, our connections with a wide range of individuals in our lives can fall apart. Even common sense strongly suggests that the will to power over others does not make for harmonious interactions. For example, how well has slavery worked as a mode of social harmony?

From this second viewpoint of who we are as humans, forgiveness plays a key role in the biological and psychological integrity of both individuals and communities because one of the outcomes of forgiveness, shown through scientific studies, is the decreasing of hatred and the restoration of harmony. Forgiveness can break the cycle of anger. At least to the extent the people from whom you are estranged accept your love and forgiveness and are prepared to make the required adjustments. Forgiveness can heal relationships and reconnect people.

As an important note, when we take a Classical philosophical perspective, that of Aristotle, we see the distinction between potentiality and actuality. We are not necessarily born with the capacity to forgive, but instead with the potential to learn about it and to grow in our ability to forgive. The actuality of forgiving, its actual appropriation in conflict situations, develops with practice.