Happiness isn’t earned; it’s noticed. You can put a lot of energy into getting to a position where happiness is easier to notice. But if you are not excited about an achievement, you know that happiness isn’t automatic (自动的). Instead, you need to practice noticing happiness around you. It’s actually a rather common emotion; we just usually ignore most of the sources for it because they are not important.

Every rock around you has a story, a structure, and a texture (纹理). Pick up a rock and look at it until you find something you like. Then drop it, catch another, and do it again. With just a little practice, you’ll build an entire little system in your own head for admiring rocks, and pretty soon you can get a little bit of happiness just looking at a rock.

That includes everything. Flowers, trees, wind, clouds, cars, rain, rural diners, children’s sports matches, library bathrooms, parking lots, everything. The world has an endless supply of detail, and there’s no good reason not to learn to enjoy that. When you do this, you get this kind of superpower where you can find small joy in any situation. The only reason why most of us don’t learn to practice this skill is that we were told it’s a waste of time by people who never figured it out.

With a lot of practice, it can even help you out during times of intense sadness, fear or pain. When you experience a negative (消极的) emotion, it’s a very powerful skill to be able to say “Wow, how interesting that a person can hurt like this! What a world!” It doesn’t make the bad feelings go away, it doesn’t fix whatever problem that caused them, but even in the depths of hopelessness you can shine a little light.

I still remember that busy autumn evening as I hurried with my eldest daughter, Athena, to get to her classroom on time for the parent-teacher night. We walked in and all eyes were on me. A few adults quickly quieted their kids’ whispers. A classmate yelled to my daughter, “What’s wrong with your mom’s face?” Shocked, I started to explain my condition, but my six-year-old daughter looked at him and said, “It’s my mom’s birthmark! Don’t be rude!” I was extremely proud of how she handled that situation.

I was quite young when I realized I looked different because of my large facial birthmark. I always thought I would be alone because of it. Being compared to Batman’s evil Two-Face made me believe I could never find love. But I was lucky enough to meet my husband, who saw me for who I am inside. When I had my first daughter, I was overjoyed, but I began to worry if the world would judge my children. I always worried I might pass my condition onto my children; I didn’t want them to grow up feeling judged. Unfortunately, my facial difference has influenced my children. My daughters get disinvited from birthday parties or sleepovers, or I learn certain kids are no longer friends with mine after their parents saw me at school.

When my kids were young, I explained how my special purple skin was rare and we talked about acceptance and never judging others on how they look. When my girls kiss my purple-skinned cheek, I feel “normal” around them and their unconditional love. With time going by, both my daughters have become my strongest supporters. Thanks to them, I’ve begun to feel more self-confident as I try to be a good role model.

Their worldviews are similar to mine. We see the world a little differently and with a kinder, more accepting heart. As the saying goes, your daughters will grow up to be your best friends. I know that will be the case for me!

Have you met your “other” self? 【小题1】 Lately, she has come alive in 3D and is stronger than ever.

She is insecure. When she sees others succeed, she begins to compare me to them.

【小题2】 What’s my purpose in life? What am I good at? Will anyone want to hire me?

She is afraid, so I lose my confidence and anxiety creeps in. I want to stay in bed all day, watch a movie, and forget I exist. I don’t want to be acknowledged, so I walk around campus with my head down, looking at the pavement.

【小题3】 She makes me feel that if I give, I lose. She questions everyone’s intentions. She doesn’t want to share. Favors make her feel uncomfortable. She doesn’t deserve them.

She makes me feel that everyone is against me, but how could that be? I realized I sounded paranoid(偏执的). 【小题4】 So, I followed advice from the CEO of General Electric, Jeff Immelt. He says he sometimes goes to bed feeling like a failure, but he has a private practice. Every morning in front of the bathroom mirror, he gracefully says to himself, “Hello handsome,” and is reborn.

The day after I learned about this practice, I started to remind myself to say no to my “other” self. I also found my “happy place” on campus: the lawn between Kresge Auditorium and the Student Center. 【小题5】 I am at MIT, my dream school. I look up at the dome, carrying a cup of coffee in the morning, ready for class. Hello handsome!