Building connection and friendship with other people is a necessary part of being human. There are ways to help you make new friends, as well as to take better care of the friendships you already have.

Accept the awkwardness (尴尬) and assume that other people need new friends, too. 【小题1】When you reach out to somebody you don’t know well — whether that’s sending the first text message or making small talk in the elevator — you often feel uncertain. You have to accept that awkward silence and the uneasiness it may bring, because you can’t have friends without getting awkward.

Remember that people will like you more than you think

When you are moving through the world, don’t forget that human connection is yours for the taking.【小题2】

Take up activities that you love

Ask anyone about how to make friends and they will most likely tell you to try a new hobby.【小题3】Do the things you’re interested in and you will naturally draw people to you, and you’ll naturally connect with other people because you’ll be in the right place.

It’s OK to treat friendships seriously

Having friends is one of the most nourishing (滋养的) parts of being alive, so it’s not strange or bad or wrong to prioritize (优先考虑) it. Get comfortable putting yourself out there a little bit.【小题4】It’s what all the cool kids are doing.

【小题5】

But if you want to prioritize and nourish your friendships, you have to show up for them. Listen and notice things about your friends. Take notes! It will help you remember your conversations and allow you to mention them later. Remember the names of people in your friends’ lives. Ask to see a picture of the person they’re talking about so it sticks better in your head.

Most people aren’t good at creative problem solving for two reasons: First, they are not trained in how to be creative. Second, they don’t understand group strength well enough to harness(驾驭) their power to maximize group creativity.

A key element of creativity is applying existing knowledge to a new problem. The more people getting involved in solving it, the more knowledge there is to work on it. Unfortunately, research shows that the traditional brainstorming methods fail to achieve that goal. When groups get together to exchange ideas, they actually come up with fewer ideas overall than if they each had worked alone.

To fix this problem, you should consider the two stages of group problem-solving: divergence(分散) and convergence(集中). Divergence happens when the group considers as many different potential solutions as possible. Convergence happens when the various proposed solutions are evaluated and reduced to a smaller set of candidate solutions to the current problem.

The essential principle of group creativity is that individuals working alone diverge, whereas group members working together converge. In groups, once a member states a potential solution, it makes others think about the problem similarly. That is why groups working together diverge less than individuals working alone.

Therefore, be aware of when to diverge and when to converge. For example, early in the problem-solving process, have group members work alone to write down statements describing the problem. Then get them back to discuss their descriptions. The group discussion will lead everyone to accept one or a small number of these statements to work on—this is healthy convergence.

When starting to generate solutions, you again want divergence. Have people work alone to start. Then collect people’s initial ideas and send them around to others and allow the divergence to continue as everyone individually builds on the ideas of other members. Finally, let the group discuss the resulting ideas. This discussion will gradually lead the group to converge on a small number of candidate solutions.

This simple method works effectively, because it respects what individuals and groups do best.

Closeness and independence are both important in our life. Though all humans need both of them, women tend to focus on the first and men on the second. It is as if their lifeblood ran in different directions.

These differences can give women and men differing views of the same situation, as they did in the case of couple I will call Tracy and Brian. When Brian’s old high school friend called him at work and announced he’d be in town on business the following month, Brian invited him to stay for the weekend. That evening he informed Tracy that they were going to have a houseguest, and that he and his friend would go out together the first night to chat like old times. Tracy was upset. She was going to be away on business the week before, and the Friday night when Brian would be out with his friend would be her first night home. But what upset her the most was that Brian had made these plans on his own and informed her of them, rather than discussing them with her before extending the invitation.

Tracy would never make plans, for a weekend or an evening, without first checking with Brian. She can’t understand why he doesn’t show her the same courtesy and consideration that she shows him. But when she protests, Brian says, “I can’t say to my friend, ‘I have to ask my wife for permission’!”

To Brian, checking with his wife means seeking permission, which implies that he is not independent, not free to act on his own. To Tracy, checking with her husband makes her feel good to know and show that she is involved with someone, that her life is bound up with someone else’s.

Tracy and Brian both felt upset by this incident because it cut to the core of their primary concerns. Tracy was hurt because she sensed a failure of closeness in their relationship: He didn’t care about her as much as she cared about him. And he was hurt because he felt she was trying to control him and limit his freedom.