I moved to the Phoenix area in my early twenties, and to expand my social life I joined a young adult group at a church. Because I love music, I started singing in the choir (合唱队), where I met Lisa. We were about the same age. Finding people with similar interests helped reduce my feelings of loneliness after moving to a new city.

“Are you going to go on the retreat (静修)?” Lisa asked. Once or twice a year, the young adult group put on a retreat. I hesitated. I had little experience with retreats and I still felt like an outsider. “Come on,” Lisa said. “Everyone goes.” “Okay.” I agreed. After all, some cute guys were in the group. As the retreat weekend approached, I learned that the theme was forgiveness.

In my twenties, the world revolved(旋转)around me and what I wanted. And, as most people do, I learned how to be pleasant enough without giving in and having to apologize any more than necessary. In short, the forgiveness theme made me uncomfortable. I would attend the retreat, but I planned to sit quietly in the background and watch.

The retreat was held at a camp in Prescott, Arizona. The first night we gathered in the common room where we also ate our meals. According to the plan, I found a spot in the back where I could watch, unnoticed. The leader got up and spoke about the healing power of forgiveness. His words were touching. “Now comes the hard part,” he said. “I want to invite you to look into your hearts and if you feel moved to do so, go to a person here in the room and ask to be forgiven for something you’ve done.”

At the beginning, there was total silence. Was he kidding? Then Lisa stood up and made her way through the crowd toward me. Lisa planted her feet firmly in front of me. “Kathleen, I’d like to ask your forgiveness.” I shook my head. Then nodded, not sure how to respond. I felt the heat rise into my cheeks. I could hardly breathe knowing that everyone could hear and see all this. I had no idea what I was forgiving her for. I wanted her to just go away.

“I have been angry at how easily you joined our group. Even though you became my friend when we worked on music together, I still thought you were doing it for yourself. I’ve held that against you and I’m sorry.” “It’s okay,” I choked out. Stunned, I stood up, gave her an awkward hug and then sat back down. Lisa turned and went back to her seat. Lisa’s bravery broke the ice and everyone started to ask forgiveness for various injuries, some big, some small.

The world began to change for me. I learned empathy the day that Lisa asked my forgiveness. I had read To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee several times. But I realized that I had never understood the message Atticus Finch taught his children: “You never really know a man until you stand in his shoes and walk around in them.” Through the years my friendships were better, stronger and deeper. I apologized and forgave quickly. Lisa allowed me the gift of friendship because her example taught me to forgive.

Everyone needs friends. There is an old saying, “Friends are God’s way of taking care of us.” But how do you find real friendship and keep it?

The American writer Sally Seamans tells young students some smart ways to find friends. Sally says finding friendship is just like planting a tree. You plant the seed and take care of it to make it grow.

First, you should choose a friend. What makes a good friend? It is not because a person has money or good looks. A good friend should be kind and patient. For example, if you have a bad day, a good friend should listen to your complaints and do his or her best to help. To make a friend, you cannot be too shy. You should make each other happy and share your lives.

But things cannot always be happy. Even the best friends have fights. What should you do when you have a fight with your friend? You have to talk to him or her. When there is no one around, have an honest talk. If he or she doesn’t want to talk, you could write a letter.

There are three steps to being friends again: Tell him or her how you are feeling; say what your friend has done wrong, and explain why you did this or that. Remember that friendship is the most important thing in your life.

An acquaintance has something in common with you and merely enjoys your company for a short time. A fair-weather friend flatters (讨好）you when the sun is shining and the birds are singing. 【小题1】They would never do the following things.

Walk away when times get tough. True friendship is all about how a person helps another person when they are down and can give very little in return. Thus, take note of who remains in your life when times get tough. Seriously，when you come out the other side of a difficult period in your life, look around you. 【小题2】

Hold hatred (憎恨）over your head. Some people will refuse to accept that you are no longer who you used to be—that you made mistakes in the past，learned from them, and moved beyond them. 【小题3】 Instead，they help you repair your present and future.

Pretend like they have all the answers. You may think about the people who have had the greatest positive effect on your life—the ones who truly made a difference. 【小题4】 True friends are the ones who sit silently with you when you need a moment to think. They'd always lend you a shoulder when you need to cry.

【小题5】 You deserve to be with friends who make you smile—friends who don't take you for granted and won't leave you hanging. When you notice that a friend is always taking advantage of you instead of offering help when you need，you might need to distance yourself from them for a while. A true friend should want to give，but they shouldn't be forced to always give more than they get.