Traveling through time

As children, we dream of growing older; when we are older, we dream of being children. We let our lives pass us by because we have yet to learn that the harder you yearn for time, the faster it passes. This is how my story begins.

In October of my freshman year, I took an accidental trip down memory lane. One day after school, I decided to take the long way home, I needed time to think. So off I went, walking through the grass. That was how I came to find a gap in the fence lining the school property. I passed through this gap and followed the treeline until I found myself in the far fields behind the neighborhood.

Suddenly, I remembered it was here through the fence between the school and the fields that I watched older kids having their high school graduation ceremony. In cap and gown (长袍), they stood in the middle of the field. They looked like they were having the most fun I had ever seen anyone have; they looked free.

Years later, I walked through that field on my way home from that same high school. The soccer nets were long gone, and the paint lines had washed away with the rain, but there it was, just as I remembered it. The old field felt like a moment trapped in time, a long-forgotten memory. Here I was, standing in between my past and my present and trying so hard to figure out just how all of those years had passed me by so quickly. The gap in the fence seemed like a distinct line between my years. A doorway between 5 and 15.

I’ve since given this place a name, Tempus Illud, a place between places. I try to take the long way home at least once a month now. Sometimes, when I cross that bridge, I see that younger version of myself. She is so young and so desperate to speed up time. I see her peering through the fence at those graduates in the cap and gown, and she’s wishing she could be just like them. She, too, could feel so free that she might just grow wings and fly away. Now I’m preparing to wear the cap and gown in a few short months. But this time, I wish to leave time to its own devices.

The harder you yearn for time, the faster it passes you by. So I no longer yearn. The passage of time is inevitable, and you can’t avoid it, but you can appreciate it. James Taylor sings, “The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time… Nobody knows how we got to the top of the hill, but since we’re on our way down, we might as well enjoy the ride.”

It took me a moment to realize what had happened. Three days had passed and Rita seemed to get weaker and weaker. The rain had stopped. However, the sky was still cloudy, and it was so dark that I couldn’t see the buildings even across the road. I took a pressure reading from the weather station: 947mb, which let me know exactly where I was—in the eye of the storm.

There were rains and winds still, but not oppressive (难以忍受的)anymore. There was still no power, hot water or food. Besides, I didn’t sleep well for all these days, but I felt more relaxed since the weather report said Rita was leaving. What’s more, I was luckier than those people who had lost their homes or even worse, lost their lives because of Rita.

As I travelled further to the west, going after the storm, the damage along the way became less severe. I arrived in Houston after a tricky journey with my fuel supplies almost all gone. However, I came across another storm chaser (追逐者) who had 45 gallons of petrol. He helped me and we shared our working experience these days. With a complete stroke of luck I found a run-down hotel that allowed me to have a room overnight before the midnight. Although there was no running water, no power and no air conditioning, I curled up into a corner and fell asleep quickly.

I woke up the next morning, and what a change! The sky was blue and cars were moving around. Sirens could be heard as convoys (护航队) of emergency managements started to head west towards where I had come from. "The storm had stopped and I could go home. I gave all my remaining supplies to other people at the hotel and headed towards the airport. Houston Airport was not damaged, so I took my flight and drank my first hot drink in four days.

All in all, when I came back home, I was proud that I finally made it again to follow and record the storm and I really learned a lot these days. Although it’s dangerous, I love my job as not many people would go into the eye of an intense storm.

My Ph. D. adviser called me into his office, saying I needn't bring my notebook. After 15 minutes of listing my positive things, he looked me in the eye and said,“You are fired from the lab.”

I had moved to Israel from my native India the year before, excited to experience a new culture and study for a Ph. D.   At first things went well in my new lab. Then, 3 months before I was fired, I ran into some problems. I made a few mistakes in the lab that slowed my research, but I wasn't aware that my adviser noticed them, and he never spoke to me about any concerns. I’m still not sure why he fired me, but I guess it was because of those mistakes. He wasn't confident that I could complete my research in time as we'd planned.

The first few days after I was fired were especially difficult. I spent hours staring at my computer screen, unable to get anything done. One day all I could do was sit on a beach, crying. I tried to change his mind with promising results, but he stuck to his decision. I could not break the news to my family in India, as the fear of disappointing them overwhelmed （压垮）me. I soon got into a state of sadness and anxiety. Meanwhile, the date for me to leave the country was drawing near, as my visa required me to be registered as a student. I was lonely and without hope.

Around that time, I watched Dasvidaniya, a Bollywood movie that's about a man who has 3 months to live. One line from the movie stuck out to me :“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade（柠檬水）” .What kind of lemonade could I make out of my present situation? My desire to complete a Ph. D. was never in doubt. After much reflection, I told myself that one failed attempt was not the end of the world, and that I needed to give it another try. With renewed confidence, I emailed expected advisers and applied to other programs. Within 2 months, I landed an offer from a Ph. D. program in Italy. I accepted it and relocated to Europe, happy that my goal of completing a Ph. D. was alive once again.

I’m thankful that I didn't give up on my dream and that I found another professor willing to take me on.