Planting the Seeds of Change

Catalino Tapia came to the United States as a young man with six dollars. He worked hard and eventually started his own gardening business. He married and bought a comfortable home in Redwood City, California. Tapia and his wife raised two sons, putting the elder through college.

When his son graduated from law school, Tapia was inspired to help other young people make it to college, although he himself had never studied beyond the sixth grade. With the help from his son, Tapia established a nonprofit corporation—the Gardeners Foundation.

Tapia began by asking his wealthy customers for donation (捐款). In just two weeks, he had raised $10,000 for scholarships, and the money kept coming. The Gardeners Foundation now gives a minimum of ten scholarships each year.

“I believe the education of our young people isn’t just the responsibility of their parents, especially in the Latino district where some parents work two or three jobs,” says Tapia.

Gloria Escobar, nineteen, received one of the scholarships. Gloria knew that she wanted to study architecture, but the classes that she needed were not offered at her local college. The money from the foundation allowed her to travel to a college farther away where she could earn the credits she needed to go to a university.

Another receiver, Alberto Urieta, hopes to major in biology. “To receive a scholarship is so much help because the books are so expensive, and it also gives us a feeling that we’re not alone, that someone wants us to make our dreams a reality,” says Urieta.

Tapia understands that children who are educated can contribute more to the country than those who are not. “It’s a little seed we’re planting,” he said. “And it will eventually grow into a garden of students, and it will flower and bear fruit.”

Many people find when they are overly familiar with their routines, their excitement will be replaced with boredom quickly. A study shows that finding unusual ways to interact with familiar people, places and things can make everyday experiences feel exciting.【小题1】. Need some fresh ideas for keeping life fresh? Read on.

While you are working

Spending too much time in the same environment can keep us from achieving “flow”— being immersed in an activity with full energy and enjoyment.【小题2】. Move your home office to the library or a coffee shop a few days a week. If you are charged with leading a Monday meeting, try starting it with meditation or a non-work discussion.

【小题3】

“Boredom is an emotional state and happens when couples stop taking the opportunity to grow and deeply connect with each other,” says Venus Nicolino, host of Reality Stars. Look for new challenges to take on together. Try mixing up different sets of friends to do something creative, such as a group cooking lesson, or an old-fashioned tea party.

With other people we care about

Instead of “How was your day”, try asking “What are you looking forward to today?” Our curiosity can remind people that we’re interested in who they are, and that’s the key to maintaining intimacy (亲密关系).【小题4】.

During your commute

If you walk or use public transportation, greet a stranger or put away your phone and do some people watching. “Simply observing one’s surroundings may seem boring.【小题5】,” says Tim Lomas, a lecturer at the University of East London. Just remember, whatever you do to relieve boredom today, try something different tomorrow.

As the parent of a 7-year-old boy, sometimes I feel like “no” is my most frequently said word. But if I look honestly at the big picture of my daily vocabulary, I probably would conclude that it actually contains too much “yes”. Saying yes means opening myself up to new experiences, inviting new or deeper relationships. But too much “yes” leaves any of us feeling anxious,   overcommitted (过分受约束的) and   powerless to set and maintain boundaries in our lives.

This had been on my mind when The Book of No: 365 Ways to Say It and Mean It－and Stop People-Pleasing.

Forever came across my desk. The new edition of this decade-old book by psychologist Susan Newman is a must-read book for those of us who struggle to say “no” with authenticity, confidence and kindness.

Newman calls people who feel forced to say yes all their way through life “people-pleasers”. The chief symptoms of this condition include associating helping others with your self-respect, holding expectations that you will care for others and feeling unwilling to state your own needs when a request comes your way. For people-pleasers, “yes is the path of least resistance and the way to avoid damaging your relationship with the asker,” Newman writes.

The book offers brief dialogues for hundreds of scenarios in which “no” is the right answer, for reasons ranging from time management to financial pressures to emotional boundaries. Newman considers what came about among friends, at work, within families and in parenting. Reading through the scenarios, I realized they have some things in common－things that immediately started helping me improve my “no” skills.

Do you think this book might be helpful to you? It’s OK if the answer is “no”, but I do highly recommend it for your Positive Reading List shelf.