Two friends have an argument that breaks up their friendship forever, even though neither one can remember how the whole thing got started. Such sad events happen over and over in high schools across the country. In fact, according to an official report on youth violence, “In our country today, the greatest threat to the lives of children and adolescents is not disease or starvation or abandonment, but the terrible reality of violence”. Given that this is the case, why aren’t students taught to manage conflict the way they are taught to solve math problems, drive cars, or stay physically fit?

First of all, students need to realize that conflict is unavoidable. A report on violence among middle school and high school students indicates that most violent incidents between students begin with a relatively minor insult (侮辱). For example，a fight could start over the fact that one student eats a peanut butter sandwich each lunchtime. Laughter over the sandwich can lead to insults, which in turn can lead to violence. The problem isn’t in the sandwich, but in the way students deal with the conflict.

Once students recognize that conflict is unavoidable, they can practice the golden rule of conflict resolution(解决): stay calm. Once the student feels calmer，he or she should choose words that will calm the other person down as well. Rude words, name—calling, and accusations only add fuel to the emotional fire. On the other hand, soft words spoken at a normal sound level can put out the fire before it explodes out of control.

After both sides have calmed down, they can use another key strategy (策略) for conflict resolution: listening. Listening allows the two sides to understand each other. One person should describe his or her side, and the other person should listen without interrupting. Afterward, the listener can ask non-threatening questions to clarify the speaker’s position. Then the two people should change roles.

Finally, students need to consider what they are hearing. This doesn’t mean trying to figure out what’s wrong with the other person. It means understanding what the real issue is and what both sides are trying to accomplish. For example, a shouting match over a peanut butter sandwich might happen because one person thinks the other person is unwilling to try new things. Students need to ask themselves questions such as these: How did this start? What do I really want? What am I afraid of? As the issue becomes clearer, the conflict often simply becomes smaller. Even if it doesn’t, careful thought helps both sides figure out a mutual solution.

There will always be conflict in schools，but that doesn’t mean there needs to be violence. After students in Atlanta started a conflict resolution program, according to Educators for Social Responsibility, “64 percent of the teachers reported less physical violence in the classroom; 75 percent of the teachers reported an increase in student cooperation; and 92 percent of the students felt better about themselves”. Learning to resolve conflicts can help students deal with friends, teachers, parents, bosses, and coworkers. In that way, conflict (冲突) resolution is a basic life skill that should be taught in schools across the country.

Everyone needs friendship to survive. How do we strengthen the existing friendships in our lives? 【小题1】

Show your affection to your friends.

We often think of affection as a sort of love in romantic relationships. But it’s more than holding hands and kissing. It’s about communicating love and appreciation. There are many ways you can show love to your friends. Tell them how much they mean to you. 【小题2】These simple acts show you genuinely care for them and let them know it’s safe to invest in your friendship.

Be generous to your friends.

Think about what your skills and talents are and find a way to turn them into a generous act. Sharing your time, attention or resources with them is an easy way to develop your friendships. People want to stay with friends who value them, and generosity is a way to express that. You can share acts of generosity with your friends. If you’re great with kids, you might offer to babysit for your friends who are parents. 【小题3】

【小题4】

Think about how good it feels to tell a friend you secretly like a trashy (无聊的) TV show and hear them respond “Me too!”. We feel a deeper connection to our friends when our vulnerability (脆弱) is met with support. It means they accept us for who we really are, the good and the bad. So don’t be afraid to share your struggles with your friends. It may bring you closer.

Face conflict bravely.

【小题5】But being able to deal with conflict with friends in a healthy, constructive way can strengthen your friendships. It might be painful at first, but it shows you want to make your relationship better.

The clothes you wear.The food you eat.The color of your bedroom walls.Where you go and how you get there.The people you hang around with.What time you go to bed.What do these things have in common?You’re asking.They’re just a few examples of many hundreds of things that your parents controlled for you when you were a child.

As a kid,you didn’t have a say in very much that went on;your parents made decisions about everything from the cereal you ate in the morning to the pajamas you wore at night.And it’s a good thing,too-kids need this kind of protection and assistance because they aren’t mature enough to take care of themselves and make careful decisions on their own.

But finally,kids grow up and become teens.And part of being a teen is developing your own identity(身份认同)---one that is separate from your parents’.But as you change and grow into this new person who makes your own decisions,your parents have a difficult time adjusting(调整).They aren’t used to the new you yet---they only know you as the kid who had everything decided for you and didn’t mind.

In many families,it is this adjustment that can cause a lot of fighting between teens and parents.And issues like the type of friends you have or your attitudes to partying can cause bigger quarrels,because your parents still always want to protect you and keep you safe,no matter how old you are.

The good news about fighting with your parents is that in many families the arguing will lessen as parents get more comfortable with the idea that their teen has a right to certain opinions.It can take several years for parents and teens to adjust to their new roles,though.In the meantime,focus on communicating with yourparents.

Sometimes this can feel impossible---like they just don’t see your point of view and never will.But talking and expressing your opinions can help you gain more respect from your parents and you may be able to reach compromises(和解)that make everyone happy.For example,if you are willing to clean your room in order to stay out an hour later,both you and your parents walk away with a good deal. Keep in mind, too, that your parents were teens once and that in most cases,they can relate to what you’re going through.