Everyone needs to be safe,loved and to have a sense of belonging.These are inborn and natural basic needs.In an effort to have these needs satisfied,many of us tend to please others.And it works for a while.We find that we experience less conflict with others,but the conflict within ourselves grows.Saying "no" produces feeling of guilt and saying "yes" brings anger.

My father was in the military,so we moved frequently.Being shy,I didn't make friends.What's more,I grew up in a household where grades,image and how others saw our family were very important.In our household a "C" was unacceptable,a "B" should have been an "A" and an "A" meant the lesson was too easy.I was too skinny,my sister was too fat and my brother's lips and ears were too big for his tiny head.

To stop pleasing others is easier said than done.It's a long process,one in which I am consistently working to perfect.The turning point for me came shortly after I got married.The very first thing we did to end the cycle of catering to others was develop our own identity as individuals and then as a couple.And then we developed a strong set of core（核心）values and a vision for our future.The third and one of the most valuable things we did during this process was develop our own personal influence on others and we valued deeply the opinions of the wiser and more successful people around us.

Besides,we should understand that sometimes helping people actually hurts them.Struggle is necessary to success.Struggle strengthens character,making people determined.So sometimes allowing people to struggle is the best thing you can do for them.

Nowadays it is necessary to be reasonable and flexible enough to avoid conflicts as much as possible and live in peace with others. 【小题1】 If you have done all your best to avoid conflicts but you are still arguing, then read these effective tips on how to avoid conflicts.

Sometimes people can get in the center of conflicts because they want to help. Frankly speaking, it is very risky, because it can make you the main figure of the conflict. 【小题2】 You should focus on your own life issues.

【小题3】 Life is full of conflicts and disagreements, and that’s why you should find more conservative (保守的) ways of dealing with them. For example, kindness can lessen the conflict.

Peacekeepers tend to cooperate with people without bad emotions which usually lead to arguments and even conflicts. “The greatest victory is the battle not fought.” This saying is the life motto of a natural-born peacekeeper. Don’t worry if you are not a natural-born peacekeeper. You can gain this skill during life.

When the conflict is gathering pace and you can’t manage to keep yourself, you should choose to handle the situation in another way. By all means, try to keep yourself away from stress. 【小题5】 You should get away from the situation for a while.