When I was worried my son was coming down with a little something, I remarked that his eating was slowing down a bit.

“I’ve noticed how fast you eat,” my wife’s Auntie Carmel said. I looked down at my plate — the plate from which my food had just been emptied — and looked up at her stare. “I’m not being critical,” she assured me, “and I find it fascinating.” She said “fascinating” in the way a polite member of the FBI might describe your recent Internet searches.

“You do eat pretty fast,” whispered my wife by the time I’d placed my knives and forks down. Her mother shared the same view shortly after that, and soon the entire table were unanimous in this opinion.

We were at my wife’s parents’ home in Dublin because Auntie Carmel was visiting from New York, and it was a good chance for her to meet our son, who immediately adored her. We all adore Auntie Carmel for her ability to speak her mind in a way that never seems rude.

In fairness to Carmel, I do eat quickly. I’m fond of saying it’s because I come from a large family. I now realize this makes no sense. There is also the fact that my wife’s mum and Auntie Carmel themselves both come from a family of 12. The same is true for her dad. Yet somehow, none of them eat as if their legs were on fire.

It’s a habit I picked up along the way, and I might have been permanently blind to it without this intervention. Left unexamined, it might have coloured my parenting, demanding my speed as a default (默认) for my son, for I remarked that his eating was slowing down a bit. For now, at least, he can clear his plate as slowly as he likes.

How to Help a Friend with a Broken Heart

It can be difficult to see a friend in pain, especially if she's just suffered a broken heart. 【小题1】 While you can't fix your friend's problems or take away her pain, you can support her in her healing process

Work out.

Working out is a healthy way for your friend to process her emotions, because it increases the chemicals in her brain that produce pleasing feelings. 【小题2】 Maintaining a schedule will help your friend to get through her issues.

Listen

It's important for your friend to have someone she can trust. People who are hurting can benefit from(受益于) feeling heard and understood, aiding in their catharsis（发泄）. If you're not sure how to be a good listener for your friend, ask her what she needs. 【小题3】

Help your friend make a list.

【小题4】 If you can help your friend make a list of how great she is, what her strengths are, or how great her life is, it can help her in the healing process. When you divert (转移) your friend’s focus away from her pain and toward something positive instead, you can help her start thinking and feeling more positive.

【小题5】

Sometimes you just need a moment to be a little funny, a little serious and a little healing. If you have a releasing ceremony with your friend, it can provide all of these aspects. What you do is take objects that remind your friend of her ex(前任)，have your friend write a letter releasing her ex, or take a picture of your friend’s ex and throw it away.

The moment I was born, I seemed to be part of a set, as if my twin brother David and I were a package deal. We faced constant comparisons in our physical appearance. People were always comparing our personalities and academic performances as well! These constant comparisons made me decide not to go to the same university as my twin brother.

That is not to say we didn’t have good academic experiences in the past or didn’t get along. In eleventh grade, we were placed in the same math experimental class. I recall arriving early to the first class and being a bit disappointed when I saw David already seated at his desk. It is hard to avoid comparisons when we were in the same class. However, we found that we actually worked well together, in our own way. We would argue about the best way to solve a problem and debate its answer. As the year went on, I noticed that our teacher kept moving us closer and closer together. Our argument was actually productive.

However, we were two very different candidates. I was very involved in extracurricular(课 外的) activities, while David had better test scores than I did. I’m fond of writing while David enjoys playing computer games. I am currently studying English and French at McGill University, while David is studying computer science at Union College.

Besides escaping comparisons, there have been other benefits to going to different universities. The first one is that we are forced to talk to each other, as we no longer see each other every day. This is healthier for our relationship. The second, also the more important one, is that after having so many similar experiences together we can have our own experiences separate from one another.

Going to a different university has benefited me thus far. It allows for more personal growth, and I’m not attached to the label of being a twin.