“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish, by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”---Albert Einstein

If you have a kid with special needs in the school system, you’re likely to have come across that saying hanging on a classroom wall. My five-year-old daughter Syona has cerebral palsy (脑瘫) and it means, combined with her communication and sight problems, that normal standard isn’t always an accurate measure of her abilities.

By now you have probably heard about Chris Ulmer, the 26-year old teacher in Jacksonville, Florida, who starts his special education class by calling up each student to give them much admiration and a high-five. I couldn’t help but be reminded of Syona’s teacher and how she supports each kid in a very similar way. Ulmer recently shared a video of his teaching experience. “I have seen their confidence increase rapidly.” he said. All I could think was: how lucky these students are to have such good teachers.

Syona’s teacher has an attitude that can best be summarized in one word: wonderful. Her teacher doesn’t focus on what can’t be done---she focuses on what can be done. Over the past several months, my husband Dilip and I have seen Syona’s confidence increase greatly. She uses words she wouldn’t have thought of using before. She recently told me about her classmates trip to Ecuador and was very proud when I understood her on the first try.

I actually wonder what the influence would be if we did something similar to what Ulmer does with his students in our home. We’ve recently started our day by reminding each other of the good qualities we all have. If we are reminded of our strengths on a regular basis, we will become increasingly confident about progress and success.

My 7-year-old daughter Leeny always has her nose in a book. She even took to reading in the car on the long drive to summer camp, which was where she lost the book. This is the first lost library book in my life. My family has always been over-educated, but we were poor. I didn’t own books. I borrowed books. However, my daughters have more books now than I owned my whole childhood, and I knowingly contribute to it by adding to the stacks (堆). So it’s probably my fault that when Leeny realized she had lost the book, she shrugged. “Sorry. I can’t find it,” she said. “It’s only $20, right? What’s the big deal?”

I felt the need to make her feel responsible for the book. She agreed to help me clean the chicken coop (笼子) in trade for my paying the library fine. I thought this idea was very clever because cleaning the coop is some work I had been avoiding for months. It was summertime and dust floated in the air. But my girl, my animal-loving mini-me, thought shoveling chicken poop (铲鸡粪) was the most fun she’d had on a Saturday morning in a long time. She didn’t feel any of the emotions that punishment is supposed to introduce. In fact, she looked as if she might lose another on purpose in order to clean the coop again. I stood, somewhat dumbfounded (目瞪口呆的), watching her.

It took me a while to realize what had happened, why my punishment had failed so completely and why I didn’t care. The fact is that I had Leeny help me clean the chicken coop. I was there, too, shoveling chicken poop, fetching the clean straw and feed. Leen’s little sister, Vicki, was inside watching a cartoon while my husband paid bills. Only Leeny and I were outside. She had me all to herself for the first time since Vicki was born, and she was enjoying all the attention for once. I don’t know what she learned about responsibility, but I found that I didn’t care about the book any more. We bonded over that unpleasant job and spent quality time together: mother, daughter, and chicken poop.

My cellphone rang while I was working on my computer. I looked at the phone and saw it was my 17-year-old son, Tom. I quickly picked it up. “Mom, I got a 71 on the test. I did it.” With those few words, I could feel staudented in my heart.

Living in New York State, students cannot graduate from high school unless they pass at least five exams: one in English, one in science, two in history and one in math. For most students, who work hard, attend class, and do their homework, it isn’t that hard. But for Tom, who is dyslexic(朗读困难的), it is such a real challenge that some teachers have feared that Tom would never be able to even attempt, never mind achieve.

We were honest with him about his trouble, letting him know that there was nothing to be ashamed of. Some people learn differently. If he was willing to work, we would help him find a way to do as much as he could in his academic career. All that was standing in his way was this math test. He had taken it three times and did better each time, but he continued to fail. He was starting to get a bit tired of me saying this was a marathon(马拉松) not a sprint(冲刺). My heart broke each time we would get the failing results.

“Mom, thanks. I love you. Thanks for believing I could do this.”

For one of the few times in my life, I really had nothing to say. For that one brief moment I knew, really, really, knew that everything we did was worth it.