Most people don't need convincing that happy relationships are the key to a successful life. When Harvard researchers followed 268 men for more than 70 years, the study's founding director summarized its finding with a single sentence: Happiness is love.【小题1】

The magic ratio(比例)for happy relationships

The piece comes from newsletter The Profile. Just seven days married, Polina Marinova asked The Profile readers for their best marriage tips.【小题2】But in the middle of it comes this one essential but dead simple tip: Make sure your relationship follows the 5:1 ratio.

【小题3】He's perhaps the most respected expert in the field of marriage stability. As the Gottman Institute website explains, “The difference between happy and unhappy couples is the balance between positive and negative interactions(相互影响)during conflict. The 'magic ratio' is 5 to 1. This means that for every negative interaction during conflict, a stable and happy marriage has five(or more)positive interactions.”

A real thing for other relationships, too

It's important to note that the 5:1 ratio was not invented merely for couples.【小题4】Friendships are more pleasant when both parties make sure that small kindnesses outweigh slights.

【小题5】What's more, the details of maintaining healthy, positive relationships can get tricky, but all relationships are off to a great start if you begin by setting the 5:1 ratio as a baseline for how you interact with each other.

My 10-year-old Donna said, “Mom, I made a new friend at school today. Can she come over tomorrow?” Donna was a shy girl and I wanted her to make some friends to bring her out of her shell.

“Sure, honey, that sounds great,” I said, thinking back to my own best friend, Lillian. We lived across the street from each other in Washington Heights, New York. We met at the age of 10, too. Like my daughter, I was shy, but Lillian drew me out. She was one of the friendliest people in school, with shiny black hair and a mile-wide smile. I knew we would be best friends forever.

In senior high school, Lillian went on a trip to Florida. That was the first time we had to be away from each other for a few days. “I’ll be back soon,” she told me. But three days later, Lillian’s sister told me that she had fallen into a river and hadn’t come out any more. I got depressed for a long time. Soon, my family moved to New Jersey. Whenever I thought of her, tears came into my eyes.

The next day Donna brought her new friend home. “Hi, Mrs. Loggia,” the little girl said. Her hair was so shiny and black and she flashed me a big smile, “My name is Laura.”

My daughter’s new friend was so much like Lillian. I was still puzzled when Laura’s mom came to pick her up later that afternoon. I opened the door to let her in. “Judy!” she cried. “It’s me, Lillian’s sister, from Washington Heights.” Yes, my daughter’s friend looked familiar. She was Lillian’s niece.

Many friendships go through tough times, but a difficult fight may leave your relationship beyond repair. However, if you really care about this person, it will be worth the effort to fix a broken friendship. 【小题1】

Be the first one to reach out. If you aren’t talking to each other, someone will have to make the first move. Let it be you this time! 【小题2】 You need to try a few different ways to reach them.

【小题3】 Explain what you feel is the problem and be honest about it. Then ask them to do the same. Really listen and don’t cut in. This way, you both get to tell your side of the story and get everything out on the table.

Apologize (道歉) to them and accept their apology. Even if you didn’t do anything and you believe the situation is their fault, opening with an apology sets the tone. You could say, “I’m really sorry that things have gotten to this point. 【小题4】” If you did something wrong, apologize to them frankly. If they apologize to you, accept their apology kindly.

Take things slowly. If you and your best friend had a major falling out, hanging out every day after school as you used to do probably isn’t the healthiest way to rebuild things. 【小题5】

This will give you both time to heal and rebuild your friendship together.