When the German psychologist Kurt Lewin moved to the U.S., he found his new home a little puzzling, especially when it came to friendships. “Compared with Germans, Americans seem to make quicker progress toward friendly relations early in the acquaintance process and with many more persons,” he wrote. “Yet this development often stops at a certain point and the quickly acquired friends will, after years of close relations, say goodbye as easily as after a few weeks of acquaintance.”

Lewin thought that this idea of friends as fast fashion might be encouraged by the United States’s high level of residential mobility (居住流动性).

Gillath and Keefer did studies where people took questionnaires about their willingness to   things and their history of moving from place to place. They found that people who’d moved around a lot were more willing to get rid of objects, and being willing to get rid of things was connected with being willing to cut social ties.

Moving is a big life change, and not only with regard to place. The social circles they have easy access to are also likely to change. This isn’t to suggest that people view their friends as objects. “Moving also requires making choices about which relationships are worth keeping and which are not, which ties could be replaced and which ties should be kept,” Gillath and Keefer write.

Perhaps this tendency to keep friendships from getting too deep comes not only from an easy-come, easy-go attitude due to mobility, but also the knowledge of how hard it is to leave people. As John Reisman puts it, “Within a changing society, people could, by keeping their friendships at an associative level, protect themselves from the sadness and self-blame that can be brought about when they have to cut close relationships.”

Linda Eveans was my best friend—like the sister I never had. We did everything together: piano lesson, movies, swimming, and horseback riding.

When I was 13, my family moved away, Linda and I kept in touch through letters，and we saw each other on special times, like my wedding and Linda’s. Soon we were busy with children and moving to new homes, and we wrote less often. One day a card that I sent came back, stamped “Address Unknown”. I had no idea about how to find Linda.

Over the years, I missed Linda very much, I wanted to share happiness of my children and then grandchildren, And I needed to share my sadness when my brother and then mother died, There was an empty place in my heart that only a friend like Linda could fill.

One day, I was reading a newspaper when I noticed a photo of a young woman who looked very much like Linda and whose last name was Wagman—Linda’s married name. “There must be thousands of Wagmans . ”I thought, but I still wrote to her.

She called as soon as she got my letter, “Mrs, Tobin!” she said excitedly, “Linda Evans Wagman is my mother.”Minutes later I heard a voice that I recognized at once, even after 40 years. We laughed and cried and caught up on each other’s lives, Now the empty place in my heart is filled, And there’s one thing that Linda and I know for sure: we won’t lose each other again!

How to mend a broken friendship? It may be hard, but fixing a broken friendship will make it even stronger than before. Here are some tips that will be useful.

Be the one to reach out before the other.

【小题1】Let it be you this time. It will show them that you want to be friends again, and you’re serious about resolving things. Think about how you can reach them. Depending on the person and the severity of your argument, you may need to try a few different ways to get in touch.

【小题2】

If your friend refuses to see or speak with you, or visiting them in person isn’t an option, you may want to just back off for a while. Your friend wants space and that should be respected. Use the time to reflect on the situation and prepare what you want to say. Don’t push your friend if it’s clear they want space. It will only upset them and make them frustrated with you.

Talk about the problem honestly and openly.

Explain what you feel is the problem and be honest about it. Then ask them to do the same. Let them talk for as long as they need to. Really listen and don’t interrupt them.【小题3】

Apologize to them and accept their apology.

Even if you didn’t do anything and you believe the situation is their fault, opening with an apology sets the tone. You could say “I’m really sorry things have gotten to this point. I want things to be better between us.” If you did wrong them in some way, apologize to them sincerely.【小题4】

Avoid restarting an argument.

It’s important that you don’t say or do anything hurtful during this conversation.【小题5】so do your best to keep things peaceful. If things get heated, don’t allow them to escalate.