Many of us were told from an early age that, “you learn from your mistakes”. But is this actually true?

The short answer is “yes” — failure can be a teachable moment. But learning from our mistakes is, in reality, very hard because we don’t like to fail. It doesn’t feel good, so we react to failure in impulsive and emotional ways, like giving up on a task prematurely, telling ourselves we don’t care whether we succeed, or finding fault with the task itself. This is self-protective, according to Hallgeir, a professor of psychology at the Norwegian School of Economics. “Most of us want to think of ourselves as competent”, he says, so when we fail “it poses a serious threat to our self-image”.

Fortunately, there is research to suggest that there are some strategies to help us overcome the emotional barriers around failure. One of them is to adopt a third-person perspective. Instead of asking “Why did I fail?”, we could ask “Why did Sam fail?”, for example. Multiple studies by psychologist Ethan Kross at the University of Michigan show that adopting a third-person perspective helps to soften our negative emotional reactions, allowing us to look at failure more objectively.

A second strategy involves offering advice to others who may be in the same position as us. This strategy led to better levels of motivation and academic success in the test groups — involving both adults and children — that were asked to give advice based on their own failures. Professors Eskreis-Winkler and Duckworth found that the satisfaction of helping others “forces people to engage with their experience and what they have learned”.

The writer Samuel Beckett once said: “fail again, fail better”. But it now seems that we should be saying: “fail again, fail smarter”. Failure is an unavoidable part of life, but by learning to overcome the emotional barriers around it, we may find the road to success is a little easier to navigate (确定方向).

How to Become a Lifelong Learner

Learning doesn’t stop just because school does. Making a commitment to yourself to learn something new every day, you will not only enjoy what you discover, but also be able to apply your knowledge and become a teacher of future generations. Here are some steps to become a lifelong learner.

Learn how you learn.

【小题1】 Note what learning techniques are the most efficient for you and use them as much as possible, such as viewing online tutorials on websites like YouTube if you’re more of a visual learner.

【小题2】

Try many different things so that you don’t trap yourself into believing you’re only good at a few things. It’s probable that you’re good at many things, but you won’t know until you’ve tried.

Look on learning as an exploration and opportunity, not a chore (令人讨厌的工作).

Don’t just force yourself to learn things because they’re important or necessary. 【小题3】 Follow your heart, as well as your sense of duty. Do you remember the 8th-grade history that you hated so much, with all those names and dates that seemed to mean nothing? The point was to bring you to details that will knit chunks of information together later. 【小题4】

Read, read, and read.

【小题5】 Reading is a gateway into other worlds and into the minds of your fellow human beings. And reading will help you to learn the discoveries and mistakes of others who have gone before you; reading is, in effect, a short cut which makes you not have to learn things in the hard way.

At times, talking to kids can feel like learning a foreign language. Unfortunately, there’s no handy phrasebook or translation app that can make you sound friendly and firm at the same time. Don’t worry. We’ve put together plenty of conversational tips, tricks, and ideas, so you can have an open and honest chat with any kids in your life.

Sit or kneel at their level.

【小题1】Even if you’re keeping things light and friendly, a child might feel frightened if you’re towering over them. Instead, grab a seat or take a knee near the child, so they don’t have to look up at you.【小题2】

Let the child speak without interrupting.

Interrupting will only shut down your conversation. Think of it this way—if you were sharing a really exciting story with a friend, would you want them to interrupt and talk over you?【小题3】Give children plenty of time to share what’s on their mind, even if they’re having some trouble coming up with the right words. Once they’ve finished sharing, feel free to reply and comment on whatever they shared.

Offer lots of options to comfort your child.

【小题4】The more you want them to finish the task to your heart’s content, the more they may feel controlled by your command. So, break a task or command into a fun “this or that” scenario(设想). Your child will be happier to play along when they feel in control of their decisions and routine. Instead of telling your child to pack their lunch, ask if they’d like a ham cheese. Sometimes, there might not be any practical options to offer. That’s okay!【小题5】