Lessons in the Lost Art of Listening

When was the last time you listened to someone? And when was the last time someone really listened to you? I once asked people what it meant to be a good listener. The typical response was a blank stare.

Of course, technology plays a role. People find phone calls interrupting them, preferring text or wordless emoji. Besides, schools and colleges rarely offer classes or activities that teach careful listening. You can join clubs to perfect your public speaking. but who attempts to achieve excellence in listening? The loud unpleasant mixture of sounds of modern life also stops us from listening.

Generally, listening goes beyond simply hearing what people say. It also involves paying attention to how they say it and what they do while they are saying it, in what context, and how what they say is related to you. It’s not about merely holding your peace while someone else holds forth. Quite the opposite. A lot of listening has to do with how you respond — the degree to which you facilitate the clear expression of another person’s thoughts and, in the process, have a clear mind of your own.

Good listeners ask good questions. They engage in exploring the topic, not to divert attention. There are curious questions like “Wouldn’t you agree..” or “Don’t you think..” These questions have strong tendencies. They will greatly influence the other person to change his or her view. And you’d better stay away from some personal questions like “What do you do for a living?” or “What part of town do you live in?” Just try to find out what excites people. Ask about the last movie they saw or for the story behind a piece of jewelry they’re wearing. Also good are expansive questions, such as, “If you could spend a month, where would you go?” Research indicates that when people who don’t know each other well ask each other this type of question, they feel more connected than if they spend time together achieving a task.

Because our brain can think a lot faster than people can talk, be careful with the tendency to take mental side trips when you are listening. Smart people’s attention is easily taken away by their own runaway thoughts. They may also assume they already know what the other person is going to say.

The reward of good listening will certainly be more interesting conversations. Researchers have found that attentive listeners receive more information from speakers, even when they don’t ask any questions. We are, each of us, the sum of what we attend to in life. The gentle voice of a mother and the criticism of a boss both ultimately form and shape us. And to listen poorly, selectively or not at all limits your understanding of the world and prevents you from becoming the best you can be.

【小题1】What does Paragraph 3 mainly talk about?.

A．Why the art of listening gets lost by itself.

B．Why effective methods are used in listening.

C．How people make themselves well understood.

D．How people can reclaim the lost art of listening.

【小题2】According to the author, what should people do when they are listening?

A．Avoid being absent-minded.

B．Come up with curious questions.

C．Focus on the speaker’s personal information.

D．Try to find common interests with the speaker.

【小题3】What can be inferred from the passage?

A．Listening and speaking deserve equal attention.

B．Good listeners maximize the benefits for themselves.

C．Bad listening ultimately contributes to people’s failure.

D．Listeners’ clear mind facilitates speakers’ expression of thoughts.