In the corner of my desk is a note, slowly yellowing from time. It is a card from my mother, containing only four sentences, but with enough impact to _________ my life forever.

In the card, she praises my abilities as a writer. The word “but” never appears; _________, the word “and” is there almost a half dozen times.

Every time I read it, I am _________ to ask myself how many times I’ve “but-ted” my own daughters. Although our eldest daughter usually got all A’s on her report card, teachers would always suggest that she talked too much in class. I would come home and _________ her with, “Congratulations! Your Dad and I are very _________ of your accomplishment, but could you try to _________ in class?”

The same was _________ of our younger daughter. She treats the floor of her room as a closet, which has often caused me to say, “Yes, that project is great, but _________ your room!”

I’ve noticed that other _________ do the same thing. “Our whole family was together for Christmas, but Kyle skipped out early to play his new computer game.” “The hockey team won, but Mike should have made that last __________.”

But, but, but.

Instead, what I have learned from my mother is to start thinking “and, and, and”. __________, “The hockey team won, and Mike did his best the whole game.”

Now, I am firmly __________ that “but” feels bad, “and” feels good. This is not to say that children don’t need or won’t respond to their parents’ __________. They do and they will. When those expectations are consistently __________, amazing things happen.

“No more buts!” is a call for __________. And if I ever forget, I have my mother’s note to remind me.

A businesswoman got into a taxi in midtown. As it was the rush hour and she was in a _________ to catch a train, she _________ a quick way to reach the train station. “I have been a taxi driver for 15 years!” the driver said _________. “You don’t think I know the best way to go?”

The woman tried to explain that she hadn’t _________ to annoy him, but the driver kept _________. She finally realized that he was too annoyed to be _________, so she changed her _________. “You know, you are right,” she told him. “It must seem _________ for me not to think you know the best way through the city.”

_________, the driver glanced at his fare (出租车乘客) in the rear­view mirror, and turned into the __________ she wanted. “He didn’t say another word the rest of the ride,” she said, “__________ I got out and paid him. Then he __________ me for what I did.”

When you __________ yourself faced with people like the taxi driver, you will always try to __________ your idea. It can lead to longer arguments, make you lose job chances or __________ marriages. I have discovered one simple __________ that can prevent the disagreement or other difficult situations from __________ a disaster.

The __________ is to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and look for the __________ in what that person is saying. Find a way to __________, and the result may surprise you.