Seeing the Good in Others

Many interactions these days have a kind of bumper-car (碰碰车) quality to them. At work, at home, on the telephone, or via email, we bounce off each other while we exchange information, smile or frown, and move on. 【小题1】 In fact, we’re most likely to notice the bad qualities in others rather than the good ones.

Unfortunately, if you feel surrounded by lots of bad qualities in others, you naturally feel less supported, less safe, and less likely to be generous or pursue your dreams. Plus, it functions oppositely. 【小题2】 But actually, seeing the good in others is a simple way to feel happier and more confident. Below are some useful suggestions for you.

Slow down. Step out of the bumper car and spend a few moments being curious about the good qualities in the other person. 【小题3】 Instead, you are opening your eyes, taking off the glasses of the negativity bias, and seeing what the facts really are.

See positive intentions. Recently, I was at the dentist’s, and her assistant told me a long story about her electric company. My mouth was full of cotton wads, and I didn’t feel interested. But then I started noticing her underlying aims: to put me at ease, fill the time until she could pull the cotton out, and connect with each other as people.

【小题4】 Going through school, I routinely picked last for teams in PE. Then, in my first year at UCLA, I gave intramural touch football a try. We had a great quarterback (四分卫) who was too small for college football. After one practice, he told me in passing, “You’re good, and I’m going to throw to you.” I was surprised. But this was the beginning of my realization that I was actually quite a good athlete. His recognition also made me play better, which helped our team.

See positive character traits. Unless you’re surrounded by deadbeats and sociopaths, everyone you know must have many virtues, such as determination, generosity, kindness, patience, energy, grit, honesty, fairness, or compassion. Take a moment to observe virtues in others. 【小题5】