We’ve all been in a position where life gets busy, schedules are difficult to coordinate and connecting with friends feels harder than ever. With some friendships, we may lose touch and want to reconnect. However，the more time that passes, the more uncertain it can feel if they want to hear from us.

A recent study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology says it’s time to reach out. Researchers found numerous benefits when reaching out to friends and old acquaintances. Especially if you’re unsure of how well they’ll receive hearing from you. The study, led by Dr Peggy Liu, is called The Surprise of Reaching Out: Appreciated More Than We Think. In the study, researchers posed the question: Do people accurately understand how much other people value being reached out to by someone in their social circle? To answer this question, researchers carried out 13 experiments with more than 5,900 participants. In the experiments, researchers measured how much people estimated their friends or acquaintances would appreciate them reaching out versus how much those on the receiving end did appreciate it. They also examined different forms of communication-phone calls, texts, emails, notes or even small gifts—and their impact.

Over the series of experiments, experts discovered a similar trend: those reaching out significantly underestimated how much their friends would appreciate hearing from them. Plus, the more unexpected the communication was, the more the friend on the receiving end appreciated it. “People are fundamentally social beings and enjoy connecting with others,” the researchers wrote.

In fact, what made these moments of reaching out so impactful was the effort they showed—no matter the form of communication. Dr Amie Gordon, a social psychologist at the University of Michigan, emphasises the importance of small moments and making efforts in relationships in a Psychology Today article. “In a busy life, these little moments might feel just like that—little moments that don’t really matter ... But each moment we ignore is a missed opportunity to connect and build up an emotional bank of positive moments.”

The science is clear—people appreciate the effort we put into our friendships. And we greatly underestimate it. One phenomenon that may explain why those who reached out underestimated their positive impact is because of “the liking gap”. Psychologist Terri Apter writes in Psychology Today that the liking gap is a tendency to “how we often underestimate other’s responses to us”, and the reality that other people like us more than we may think.

”Did you hear what happened to Adam last Friday?” Lindsey whispers to Tori.

With her eyes shining, Tori brags, “You bet I did. Sean told me two days ago.”

Who are Lindsey and Tori talking about? It just happens to be yours truly, Adam Freedman. I can tell you that what they are saying is (a) not nice and (b) not even true. Still, Lindsey and Tori aren’t very different from most students here at Linton High School, including me. Many of our conversations are gossip. I have noticed three effects of gossip: it can hurt people, it can give gossipers a strange kind of satisfaction, and it can cause social pressures in a group.

An important negative effect of gossip is that it can hurt the person being talked about. Usually, gossip spreads information about a topic — breakups, trouble at home, even dropping out — that a person would rather keep secret. The more embarrassing or shameful the secret is, the juicier the gossip it makes. Probably the worst type of gossip is the absolute lie. People often think of gossipers as harmless, but cruel lies can cause pain.

If we know that gossip can be harmful, then why do so many of us do it? The answer lies in another effect of gossip: the satisfaction it gives us. Sharing the latest rumor can make a person feel important because he or she knows something that others don’t. Similarly, hearing the latest rumor can make a person feel like part of the “in group.” In other words, gossip is satisfying because it gives people a sense of belonging or even superiority(优越感).

Gossip also can have a third effect: it strengthens unwritten, unspoken rules about how people should act. Professor David Wilson explains that gossip is important in policing behaviors in a group. Translated into high school terms, this means that if everybody you hang around with is laughing at what John wore or what Jane said, then you can bet that wearing or saying something similar will get you the same kind of negative attention. The do’s and don’ts conveyed through gossip will never show up in any student handbook.

The effects of gossip vary depending on the situation. The next time you feel the urge to spread the latest news, think about why you want to gossip and what effects your “juicy story” might have.

How to Deal with Nosy (好管闲的) People

Nosy people are everywhere. They are just too much for us to tolerate. However, no matter what type of nosy people you meet, there are ways you can use to get out of the situation.   【小题1】

Respond. Do not react.

When someone starts asking personal questions one after another, you might get confused as to why. When you find yourself in this situation, remind yourself to slow down. 【小题2】 Be mindful of the situation and try to respond wisely. You don’t owe (欠) an answer to the other person.

Answer them reasonably without showing too much.

One great way is to give a satisfactory answer without saying too many details. This way, you will satisfy their curiosity and keep your personal boundaries (界线) . 【小题3】 For instance, your loved one might ask, “I heard you had a fight with your husband. What happened?” You could say, “Nothing serious. We are fine.” This will let them know you are fine and you needn’t say the details!

【小题4】

Sometimes, you just don’t feel like answering the other person’s questions. It could be because they have no business knowing the details. It could also be that they are rude. So, if someone asks you a personal question, you could politely decline to answer by saying, “Sorry, but I am not comfortable discussing my private matters like this.”

Show a lack of enthusiasm.

Your body language tells a lot about you. It tells other people whether you are interested in talking to them, whether you are having a good time and so on. So, if you want to communicate that you don’t appreciate them being nosy, you can do so with your body language. How do you do this? Easy! Just show a lack of enthusiasm.   【小题5】