I could hear one of my classmates expressing her impatience with my slow climbing up the ladder. “If she’s afraid of heights, why would she sign up for a trapeze (高空秋千) class?” Personal growth is a marathon, not a dash, I said to myself as I continued my climb.
My friend was at the top of the ladder, trying to inspire me. “Think of flying in the air! Think of the freedom.”
How did I wind up on a ladder shaking above the Hudson River? My friend invited me to a trapeze class. I was skeptical, but her enthusiasm and assurances of strict safety procedures won me over.
I had been fearful of heights since elementary school. Avoiding my fear of heights became second nature. I tried not to look down on staircases. When necessary, I traveled by plane with my friends and family. But here I was, facing my fear of heights in a rather extreme way. I had come around to the idea of trying trapeze.
The wet August air was heavy as I stepped forward. I took a moment to take in the view. The bright, late summer sunshine lighted the Hudson River Park. Everything looked bigger and clearer, like wearing glasses for the first time.
An instructor fastened me onto a safety belt and told me to step to the edge of the platform. There were repeated cheers from my classmates below. An instructor reminded me of the safety procedures, including the net below that would catch me at the bottom. He reminded me to listen to the directions while in the air, so I could perform a trick.
“Maybe I could just swing the first time to feel more comfortable,” I said.
“We would like everyone to try to perform the trick,” the instructor firmly told me.
The realization that this was something I would have to do alone gave me some discomfort, but also a bit of pride. If I made it through the class, I would have accomplished something in the face of my fear. My stomach dropped as my hands grasped the trapeze bar as tightly as I could.
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As the instructor counted down, I took a deep breath and pushed off the platform.
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During my flights on the trapeze, my fear didn’t completely leave me.
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