Building a lasting social relationship

We all know that friends are special people who we share our lives with, and who share their lives with us in return. But seeking friends and keeping the friendship going are never easy.

According to research recently published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, the key is to use “we-talk”.

Led by University of California psychologist Megan Robbins and her colleagues, the researchers reviewed and analyzed 30 different studies involving over 5,000 participants. This analysis of "we﹣talk" suggested that the frequent use of "we" and "us" is linked to happier and healthier relationships．The word “we” moves people from an individual position into a partnership, which makes us more interdependent. “The Pronouns offer an insight into whether people see themselves as individuals or as part of a whole.” Robbins told Science Daily.

Their research also found that "we﹣talk" is helpful for resolving conflicts．The primary point is that interdependence may bring about supportive and relationship-centered behaviors and positive perceptions of the partner – especially important in times of stress and disagreement.

Contrary to “we-talk”, there is “I-talk”, which refers to the frequent use of first-person singular pronouns, such as “I”, “me” and “mine”, when writing or speaking. Earlier this year, researchers analyzed a set of data that came from 4,700 people in Germany and the US. They found that too much "I﹣talk" was an accurate linguistic marker for the likelihood that someone is feeling stressed or experiencing negative emotions．

As you can see from the two studies, too much “I-talk” can make you feel depressed. But “we-talk” can encourage you to become more positive and create a ripple effect of healthy interdependence with others. So next time you’re talking to a friend, try using more “we-talk”. You may find yourself feeling more positive – and the effect it will have on your friend will be positive as well.

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The New Kid in Class

At the beginning of the new term, every student came to school happily. One day, Jackson, a friendly student, sat at his school desk and looked over at the new kid in class. His name was Billy, who just moved here from Florida. His first day in class was yesterday and, so far, Jackson had not talked to him. Today, at rest, Jackson was going to try to make a new friend.

When the bell rang for a rest, Jackson hurried out of his seat and followed Billy outside.

”Hi Billy,“ Jackson said with a smile as they walked outside. ”Do you want to play basketball?“

”No. I’m not very good at basketball. “

”Do you want to play kickball? “ Jackson asked again.

”No. I’m not good at that either, “ Billy said. Billy walked away from Jackson and sat on a big flat rock in the grassy part of the school yard.

Jackson stood there and wondered what to do next. He asked Billy to do two things and both times Billy said no. He felt a little depressed. Maybe Billy didn’t like to get along with Jackson. Maybe he didn’t want to be friends. Jackson thought about playing basketball with the other kids. He looked over at Billy sitting on the rock all by himself. It must be hard to move to a new school, Jackson thought. He decided to give it one more try and let him be his friend. What would be a better one? He paced backwards and forwards nervously.

It was at that time that Jackson reached into his pocket and pulled out two toy cars that his brother gave him before. His brother has tons of cars and always gives him his old ones. It was the two cars that made him give it one more try.

After I stepped into the school library, I went straight to the shelves filled with books at once. It was break time and I had dropped by the library to borrow a book. Just as I was looking through some books, a girl in my class, Alice, came up to me. Alice was a pain in the neck as she would often make fun of others. That day, Alice laughed at me about my deepest secret -that I had come last in class in the mid-year examinations.

I blushed(脸红)hotly in shame. At the same time, I became extremely angry. My best friend, Lynn, was the only one who knew my secret. How could she betray(背叛)me?

My anger grew as thoughts about my friendship with Lynn flashed through my mind. We had been good friends since Primary 1. We hung out together, studied together and stayed up till the early hours of the morning to exchange our dreams. We were closer than sisters. When she needed a shoulder to cry on, I would be there. How could she do this to me? I was so mad that I could not control myself.

Brushing aside Alice’s taunts(嘲弄), I stormed to the place where Lynn usually went - the school field. Lynn looked at me with a welcoming smile on her face. The sight of her treacherous(背信弃义的)face made me mad and crazy.

“How could you do this to me? I thought we were friends!” I shouted at Lynn. “I hate you!”

A look of bewilderment(迷茫)crossed her face as she said,

“Wha ... What’s wrong? What did I do?”

Lynn cried out but I was cold and I didn’t show any kindness to her at all. I told her, “You are no longer my friend!”

And then I stormed away and returned to the library to calm myself down.

Paragraph 1: About 5 minutes later, one of my classmates came up to me and handed me my diary.

Paragraph 2: Luckily, Lynn was still in the field.