When I looked closely at the face of my 23-year-old son, Brian, in the doorway, we were saying goodbye. In a few hours he would be flying to France. It was a transitional (过渡的) time in Brian’s life, a passage from college into the adult world. I wanted to leave him some words that would have some meaning, some significance beyond the moment. But nothing came from my lips.
No sound broke the stillness of my beachside home. I stood frozen and quiet, looking into the searching eyes of my son, which I knew was not the first time I had let such a moment pass.
When Brian was five, I took him to the school bus stop on his first day of kindergarten. I felt the tension in his hand holding mine as the bus turned the corner. I saw color flush (发红) his cheeks as the bus pulled up. He looked at me—as he did now. “What is it going to be like, Dad? Can I do it? Will I be OK?” Then he walked up the bus steps and disappeared inside. The bus drove away, and I said nothing.
A decade later, a similar scene played itself out. I drove him to college in Virginia. As I started to make the trip home, I tried to think of something to say to give him courage and confidence as he started this new phase of life. I left, only mumbling (咕哝) “Hope you feel better, Brian.”
I once told Brian about my great regret that I didn’t take a year off to travel. Brian thought about this. After graduation, he worked as a waiter, a bike messenger and a painter. Now he had enough money for Paris. The night before he left, I tossed and turned (辗转难眠) in bed. I was trying to figure out something to say. Nothing came. Maybe it wasn’t necessary to say anything.
How many times have we all let such moments pass? What does it matter over the course of a lifetime if a father never tells a son what he really thinks of him?
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But as I stood before Brian, I knew that it does matter.
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Hearing this, Brian came toward me and threw his arms around me.
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