People generally see themselves through achievements. In doing that, they end up caring more about their image than the reality of who they actually are. Rather than their work doing the talking, they end up defining themselves by external markers that they hope will earn them respect.

The problem with this is that it encourages both themselves and other people to judge their worth based on some relatively unimportant measure. For example, one day, their educational diploma (文凭) may overshadow what they actually learned. Therefore, a better way to know a person, I think, is to ask a different set of questions: What motivates them? What makes them ache? What do they long for?

It’s in this spirit that I want to publicly share my values. They are the compass (罗盘) that guides my life. The kindest and most sincere thing I can do is to see, recognize, and understand another person before I make judgments. From there, I can learn to treat others appropriately, depending on the context, learning from my mistakes with time and experience. It’s just a reminder that life is hard for all of us, while at the same time accepting that it’s important we are all also held accountable for our actions.

I have learned that we are all deeply self-interested. I hope to be self-aware enough to check out of the power and status games. That means I’m not competing with anyone for a shiny object; I’d rather compete with myself. It’s about becoming so uniquely different that it would be an insult for me to measure myself against someone else. I believe if I do the work to be internally free from the pull of the power and status games, then I can add value to others based on my unique knowledge and experience.

If this resonates with (与……共鸣) you, I invite you to join me on this journey in understanding and relating to this complex world. It’s a wonderful mystery, and I think together we can better define it — not just personally, but also collectively.

Bernadette has been a ghost hovering in my mind for many years. We were best friends at the age of five and, while I was a timid child, she was always terrified. As the stronger one, I protected Bernadette from the school bullies and held her hand and supported her when she was mute and tearful because of her father’s being cruel to her. But she disappeared from my side without any warning.

I have never forgotten Bernadette and have imagined that she must have had a difficult life. Then I found her. Bernadette grew up to be the founder of a big company. She has written books sold only in hardcover, and wears stylish silk scarves. I am ashamed to say that I am a green-eyed self who can resent other people’s success! I could not even think about the words “I am happy for you, Bernadette.” The compassionate peace did not come to me until I run with Mr. Plod.

Mr. Plod is a competitive fellow at my Parkrun. He seizes every chance to run past me on uneven running trips. He will adjust himself when the course is upward and speed up when flat. He also knows that life is a marathon of ups and downs. Then I realized that when I felt jealous of Bernadette’s good fortune, I had forgotten that the challenges of her childhood meant she deserved great happiness as an adult.

This time, I let Mr. Plod win. He smiled at me with genuine pleasure, and I felt it good too. Mr. Plod helped me see that we should not envy people’s success, because we do not know the price they have paid.

Why do you pull yourself out of bed every morning to go to work or school? What does it take to make you feel like your contribution in those places is truly worthwhile? Knowing what motivates you can help you find meaning in your work and make efforts to reach your goals.

Psychologists have a wide variety of ways of describing and differentiating motivations because people care about so many different things. Psychologist David McClelland identified three main motivations for people: achievement (the feeling of success), affiliation (close relationships) and power (the ability to influence the world). Authors Adrian Gostick and Chester Elton identified 23 motivations, including creativity, challenge and learning.

Some motivations, such as money, social position and praise, are external; these are the tools bosses typically use to encourage their employees to do better. Other motivations, including fun, personal growth and feeling like one’s work is significant, come from within the person doing the action. These ideals, called internal motivations, tend to be more reliable than external ones because they represent things that can never be taken away.

Since a wide variety of motivations exist, it’s important to understand which ones are persuasive to you. Trying to motivate yourself in a way that doesn’t appeal to you will make it difficult to convince yourself to work. When choosing a career, think about what motivates you and make decisions accordingly. If you are motivated by overcoming challenges, look for a career where you can continually try hard to reach a higher level.

People motivated by external rewards sometimes struggle to meet goals they set for themselves that no one else knows about. They can solve this problem by creating external rewards for their personal goals such as finding a friend to hold them accountable.

When you know what motivates you, you will be able to motivate yourself to do the things necessary to succeed. And if you are a leader, knowing what motivates your team will enable you to help them do the same.