Joey was born with club feet(畸形足). The doctors convinced his parents that with treatment he would be able to walk normally — but would never run very well. The first three years of his life were spent in surgery, casts and braces. By the time he was eight, you wouldn’t know he had a problem when you saw him walk.

The children in his neighborhood ran around during play, and Joey would jump right in and run and play, too. His parents never told him he probably wouldn’t be able to run as well as the other children. So he didn’t know.

In seventh grade he decided to go out for the cross-country team. Every day he trained with the team. He worked harder than others — perhaps he sensed the abilities that seemed to come naturally to others did not come naturally to him. Although the entire team ran, only the top seven runners would be chosen. His parents didn’t tell him he probably would never make the team. So he didn’t know.

He continued to run four to five miles a day, every day — even the day he had a fever of 103 degrees Fahrenheit. His mother was worried, so she went to look for him after school. She found him running all alone. The sweat ran down his face. Yet he looked straight ahead and kept running. His parents never told him he couldn’t run four miles with a high fever. So he didn’t know.

Two weeks later, the names of the team runners were posted. Joey was number six on the list. Joey had made the team. His parents never told him he shouldn’t expect to make the team. They never told him he couldn’t do it. So he didn’t know. He just did it.

Maybe you often have arguments with your parents about clothes, homework, friends and many other personal things. 【小题1】 Most teenagers must be sorry or even frightened when their parents fight. They might think their parents don’t love each other any more and that it would result in divorce.

【小题2】They might disagree about important things like jobs or major family decisions. They might even disagree about little things that don’t seem important at all—like what’s for dinner or what time someone gets home. Maybe sometimes parents can feel so strongly about their differences that it may lead to arguments. However, these arguments are often over quickly.【小题3】

As a family member, you should find out what it really means when your parents fight. When your parents get upset with each other, they might cry or say things they don’t really mean. Most people lose their cool now and then, so if your parents are fighting, don’t worry too much about it.【小题4】

If your parents’ fight really bothers you, you might find it hard to sleep or go to school.【小题5】They may not even realize how upset you are until you tell them how their arguments affect you. You can also tell other relatives, a teacher or a friend.

Just remember that no family is perfect and arguments are common in every family.

It was December 2018. I was finishing up my Ph.D. in the United Kingdom, and a professor I admired invited me to interview for a position in his lab in Japan. The interview went well. I was sure everything would go well in 2019.

Then, in April, my mother told me about some strange symptoms(症状) she was experiencing. “Have you submitted your thesis(毕业论文) yet?” she asked me. “Almost, Mom,” I said. She seemed to be holding back. But I was focused on finishing my experiments, so I brushed away my concern.

A week later, the doctors had an update: It was lung cancer. During the next 2 months I was torn between my research and my family as I prepared for my defense, scheduled for mid-July. My Ph.D. supervisor (导师) encouraged me to take all the time I needed to be with my mom, but my expectations for myself always pulled me back to the lab. In the meantime, cancer had spread throughout my mother's body.

Yet my scientific commitments still held me. I was set to attend a conference in New Zealand in early July. But on my way to the airport, I got the news that my mother had 1 or 2 years left. So I flew back to Madrid instead. I postponed my Ph.D. defense. Meanwhile — in just 3 weeks — the rest of my mother’s life was changed to 1 year, then months, weeks, days. Cancer beat my mother at the end of July.

I am always sorry for losing precious time with my mother. I had never slowed down before, knowing what it takes to secure an academic position. Losing my mother put things into perspective for me. I saw the humane side of science in the understanding and flexibility offered by my Ph.D. supervisor.

And the work I missed felt insignificant. I defended my thesis in September and moved to Tokyo later. I know that many people’s 2021 may feel like my 2019, with struggles and losses competing with career goals. Please, take my advice: If your loved ones need you now, be there for them. Science will be waiting when you return.