When Harry told me that he was leaving the company, one of the first things he said to me was that he didn’t like emotional goodbyes. I have decided to take him at his word. Everything you will hear me say tonight is straightforward and _________, just like the man himself.

Harry has been in the finance department for seven years. In that time, he has not done anything remotely _________. I asked several people if they had anecdotes (轶事) about him, and the best they could come up with is that he once accidentally changed a formula in the annual budget spreadsheet. Since the _________ was quickly spotted and fixed, it had no impact at all.

Will Harry be _________? Not at all, though for reasons that he may not fully grasp. This is an evening in which the person who is leaving receives presents (as well as a card from people whose names you don’t recognize but who just loved working with you). But the _________ goes both ways. The leavers have a parting gift of their own to present: a convenient scapegoat (替罪羊).

When someone dies, the convention is not to speak ill of the departed. When an employee _________ a company, it’s the opposite. Things that don’t work as well as they should can be laid at the door of someone who won’t _________. Frustrations that have been suppressed can finally be blamed on someone. When we speak of you, we will say things like “Harry had many strengths but...”, and we will _________ ourselves that you held us back a bit. This will not be true, but it will be _________. I’d like to take this opportunity to tell you that we are grateful for this __________ act of service, which can last for as long as a year after someone has actually left the building. After that, memories tend to fade. I wish I could promise you that you are part of company folklore, or that your role in banning plastic straws from the office will ring through the ages. __________, the only guarantee I can give is that no one here will ever read your exit-interview notes.

This may all seem a little __________. You have spent many years at the company, and yet will probably __________. But in spite of that, you should still feel __________ in your time here. To have done your work well and to leave at a time of your choosing are achievements that are beyond most people. So please raise your glasses to Harry. He has been an excellent colleague and won’t really be __________.