It’s not easy being a teenager— nor is it easy being the parent of a teenager. You can make your child feel angry, hurt, or misunderstood by what you say without realizing it yourself. It is important to give your child the space he needs to grow while gently letting him know that you’ll still be there for him when he needs you.

Expect a lot from your child, just not everything. Except for health and safety problems, such as drug use or careless driving; consider everything else open to discussion. If your child is unwilling to discuss something, don’t insist he tell you what’s on his mind. The more you insist, the more likely that he’ll clam up. Instead, let him attempt to solve things by himself. At the same time, remind him that you’re always there for him if he seeks advice or help. Show respect for your teenager’s privacy (隐私). Never read his mail or listen in on personal conversations.

Teach your teenager that the family phone is for the whole family. If your child talks on the family’s telephone for too long, tell him he can talk for 15 minutes, but then he must stay off the phone for at least an equal period of time. This not only frees up the line so that other family members can make and receive calls, but teaches your teenager moderation (节制). Or if you are open to the idea, allow your teenager his own phone that he pays for with his own pocket money or a part-time job.

Are You Treated Too Nicely?

A new study found that when trying to build high self-esteem in children, parents may unconsciously be creating little narcissists (自恋狂). 【小题1】

Parents who are always praising their children may be trying to develop high self-esteem. 【小题2】 In fact, too much special treatment can lead to narcissistic behavior.

"【小题3】 That may not be good for them or for society." Brad Bushman, co-author of the study and professor of communication and psychology at the Ohio State University, said in a press release. "People with high self-esteem think they're as good as others, whereas narcissists think they're better than others."

This study, as well as previous studies about parent-child relationships Bushman has worked on, caused him to alter his own parenting style. When he began his research, he thought that children should be treated like they are special by their parents. 【小题4】 He said that interventions (干预) can help parents learn how to better support their children.

"Parent training interventions can, for example, teach parents to express affection and appreciation toward children without telling children that they are superior to others," Bushman said. "Future studies should test whether this can work."