Ever since I was a child, I’ve been frightened by the idea of disappointing people. 【小题1】 From preschool through my master degree years I was always the first in my class. But obviously, I’m not a genius. Sometimes, I brought home a nine out of ten grade and my parents would ask me where the other point had gone.

Of course, the explanation was simple: I’d made a mistake. But for a perfectionist, that’s a very dangerous thought, which can cause a chain of abusive self-talks. After all, that mistake was so stupid. 【小题2】

What hides behind my perfectionism is the illusion (幻觉) of control, the idea that if I work hard and do my best, I’ll be perfect and protected, 【小题3】 Everyone is allowed to make mistakes, except me; everything is a competition, and anything I can’t win is a dead loss.

【小题4】 It can even make you physically sick with headaches, stomachaches, muscle cramps and so. on. In some cases, it leads to self-harming behavior, such as eating disorders and addiction. The other dark side of perfectionism is that you become unable to truly appreciate your success — you only focus on what you could’ve done better.

Despite the problems, perfectionism has allowed me to complete a lot and become who I am today. “To see perfectionism as a uniquely negative thing is actually to deny a part of yourself,” said the perfectionism coach Yasmina Hajoui. 【小题5】 But that desire needs to be balanced and come from a healthy place.

The big question which shocked parents often ask their child after a confrontational（冲突） moment is, "Where did you get this attitude from?" I know you hate to admit it, but I get much of my determined and strong-willed nature from you.

Mom, I know it's hard dealing with the teenage anxiety and the ever-changing moods that come with raising a child. But you should also marvel at the fact that I've made it this far, that I'm healthy and happy.

When I was small, I would attend barbecues and family events and wander away from my parents. It wouldn't be long before someone would stop me to ask whether I was my mother's daughter.

"Your mom is Melissa," they'd say, a warm smile on their faces. "Is that Tight?” I would nod. I think parents feel much hurt when their child talks back or defies them, I was shocked at this statement. To me, I acted nothing like you, Mom.

No one says, ”I know you're Melissa's daughter because of your eyes and nose". It's the character traits（特点）that seal the deal. Dry wit, intelligence, and yes, maybe a little bit of attitude-these are the things I am grateful I have received from you. There's nothing wrong with having attitude.

Like for most black individuals, attitude is what defines you and me, and it's what keeps us from being mentally oppressed and defeated. Attitude is a non-violent form of protection and confrontation-where would we be in the world without this tool? Surely not where we are.

Mom, when people ask me where I get my attitude from, I tell them: you. And when they ask me where I got my drive, my work ethic, my good hair, and my sense of humor, I say you as well. I will always say this.

When I'm asked why I am the way I am, why I refuse to allow others to hurt me with their words or actions and why I think and speak about things openly and without fear. I'll tell them it's because of you.

I'll complain to you about the arguments between us that leave me wondering about how God made us so much alike that we hardly even noticed. But I'll tell them about you.

Love,

Malahni