Resolving (解决) Conflict in Friendships

Conflict is surely a common problem in life and friendships. 【小题1】 That’s because there isn’t enough depth to guarantee all the trouble it takes to smooth over the disagreement. Unfortunately, even when the friendship reaches a deeper level, conflict continues to happen and can break apart a relationship. Here are some resolutions.

Resolve it the day it happens. One rule my parents follow in their marriage is that they don’t go to bed angry with each other. They always attempt to resolve things the day it happens so that in the morning, it’s a fresh start with no past grudge (怨恨). I’ve found I need a short cool down period so that I don’t act in anger. For some, counting to one hundred before saying anything may be an option. 【小题2】

【小题3】 Sometimes if you sit down and talk things over, you begin to see where the other person is coming from. Realize that everyone has been created differently with various talents, abilities, and personality traits. For example, you might be a leader while your friend is more of a follower. You may be frustrated with him or her for not being very decisive. Yet it is important to understand that each person is unique and needs to be appreciated.

Initiate resolution. 【小题4】 Even when you think the other person is wrong, it’s not a bad thing to say “I’m sorry if I offended you in that way.” If you’re honest and genuine in delivering your words, there’s a good chance your friend will respond positively.

Most importantly, be loving in what you do. Try to focus on peacefully resolving the disagreement. It is not a most pleasant task to resolve conflict in any friendship. 【小题5】

We are in a rare moment when we can rebuild our social networks better than we were before the pandemic. Many of us have reflected over the past three years on the things that are truly important and make us happiest at work and at home. 【小题1】 Weigh who matters, what’s missing and how to build our A-team. Here is some advice for rounding out your circle of friends.

【小题2】 It may include family, home, work, hobbies and interests, and emotional life. Think carhether you have friends who can provide it. And if there are friendships that do not fulfill (满足) you anymore, just let them go.

Start with those you miss most. Rekindling (重新唤起) a relationship is easier than starting one. If it’s someone you deeply care about and really miss, they are going to be thrilled to hear from you. 【小题3】 Sometimes the best way to maintain a friendship is to show up when you are needed. And it can feel good to help someone else rather than always focus on your own issues.

Once you have identified the types of friends you need, take action to find them. Start with the area of your life that feels loneliest. For me, after two years of not seeing colleagues in person, I realized I need more work friends. The rekindling-versus-starting-anew advice holds here, too. Have you recently moved? Maybe there is someone from your past who lives nearby. Join a group of people who share your interests — or your current struggle — and show up regularly. 【小题4】

Don’t limit yourself by age, race, gender or anything else. Often, the people who expand our world to the greatest extent are those who are different from us. 【小题5】 It is great to have friends close by, but that is not always possible. With the Internet, you can make a meaningful connection anywhere. Remember that family and even pets can be friends, too. If you can keep your definition of friendship broad, you are going to have the strongest team.

Are you a talkative person? Do you like chatting with your colleagues? Every day around the world, most people who go to work avoid making small talk with their colleagues once they get there.

Some put on their headphones and keep their eyes low. Others will pretend to receive an urgent message that requires an immediate, life-or-death rapid response, which prevents them from doing pretty much anything else, including the conversation made while people are heating up lunch in the office microwave or while walking from the entrance of their office building to the nearest bus stop.

If those sound familiar or if you’ve convinced yourself that avoiding small talk with colleagues is smart self-preservation and that the risk of saying something offensive or coming across as socially unskillful is not worth the reward of connecting with somebody, then there is a bad piece of news—your false logic could be costing you a higher position at work.

Jamie Terran, a licensed career coach in New York City, said that small talk between colleagues builds rapport, which builds trust. “Rapport is the feeling that allows you to extend the deadline, or overlook smaller mistakes because it makes your colleagues to remember that we’re only human,” she added.

However, many people underestimate how much their conversation partners like them. But it’s not necessary. Imagine that after you have an awkward small talk with your colleague, do you think that the colleague you just talked with is a terrible conversationalist? No. You just feel bad about yourself. And you colleague feels the same about himself or herself.

If you’re generally anxious in social situations, Terran suggested coming up with questions or stories from which you can pull. “Whether or not you share personal information about yourself is up to you, but discussing things you truly care about always works,” she said. “Topics related to your professional field, for example, the sports you do well, is a great place to start.”