Dropping off my three-year-old boy at preschool, I came across Jessica, a fellow mom in pain about the upcoming Valentine’s Day party craft. Despite my exhaustion (筋疲力尽), I offered to deal with it for her. Later that night, my husband Eric found me cutting out construction paper hearts for Jessica’s project, in addition to the one I’d already prepared for our son’s party. Observing my stress, he questioned why I always put myself in such situations. It was a moment of reflection on my tendency to overpromise and please others, even at the cost of my own well-being.

I often did things I didn’t want to do because I was afraid of disappointing someone. It didn’t take long on the Internet to discover that I’m a people pleaser, eager to earn the acceptance of others. Eric was right. I couldn’t go on like this. So I spoke with two experts to find out how to balance a healthier relationship with helping others.

I told psychotherapist Kate Crocco, author of Drawing the Line: How to Achieve More Peace and Less Burnout in Your Life, about offering to do Jessica's craft. “People pleasers sometimes think that if they don’t bend over backward for others, the other person won’t survive. We need to believe that our friends and family can figure out things for themselves,” she says.

Karen Ehman, author of When Making Others Happy Is Making You Miserable: How to Break the Pattern of People Pleasing and Confidently Live Your Life, says, “People pleasers are often passive about how they spend their time. They can be easily swayed and fill their time with someone else’s plans and then become overwhelmed (被压垮的).”

I wondered if I could learn to say no without feeling guilty (内疚的). Recently hosting the family Easter celebration posed a significant task for my husband, one of eight children, and I needed to help. Meanwhile, the community leader requested my assistance in teaching the kindergarten class on Easter Sunday. Politely, I turned down. The community leader expressed understanding and mentioned seeking other volunteers. While it wasn’t a completely guilt-free refusal, it marked a long-awaited step in the right direction.

Taylor Pollard remembers when her younger sister, Kheris Rogers, was in first grade she once asked to stay in the bathroom longer---she hoped it would make her skin lighter. Kids were making fun of Rogers’ dark complexion. So Erika Pollard, the girls’ mom, moved Rogers to another school. Kids still made fun of her, but this time the kids bullying（霸凌）her were black.

Taylor Pollard wanted to help her sister feel good about herself. In 2017, she took a picture of Kheris. She posted it online. She wrote Kheris was “flexing in her complexion”. That is an expression their grandmother used often to encourage the girls to feel beautiful. Complexion means skin color. Flexing is a term for “showing off” or “showing pride”.

Then the sisters received many messages supporting Rogers and decided they wanted to direct that energy. Together, they came up with the idea of putting the message on a T-shirt Their business, Flexin’ In My Complexion, started shortly after that in April 2017. Erika gave the sisters about $100. Then their project got off the ground. They used some of the money to build a website. They also learned how to screen print T-shirts. The sisters set up shop in the garage behind their mom’s house in LA.

The sisters are co-CEOs. So far the sisters have sold more than 10,000 T-shirts. Flexin’ in My Complexion has done more than make money for the sisters. It has also helped Rogers become confident. When she was being bullied, Rogers says she would come home from school upset.

“I would always come home crying; I would just have tears coming down my face,” she says. “My confidence is probably 10 million times higher right now. You have no way of knowing but my confidence back then was probably as low as it could be.”

Not only kids of Tiger Moms go to Harvard.

Dawn Loggins of Lawndale，N.C.is on her way to Harvard，one of the eight world­famous universities in the eastern US.Nobody encouraged her to study or paid for her special classes.This girl created her own future.

The teen was abandoned by her family last summer，when her parents and two sisters moved to Tennessee.She found herself homeless and had to spend the night on friend's sofas.

The school bus driver learned about Dawn's situation and invited Dawn to move in with her family.Soon，Dawn had a job at Burns High School.She worked from 6 a．m.to 7：40 a．m.before the first school bell rang.She swept floors and picked up trash again in the afternoons，before diving into her studies in the evenings.

Dawn's hard work paid off.She finished school with a 3.9 GPA and scored 2，110 on the SAT.

“There were times when I felt like it would be easiest if I gave up，”the 18­year­old said.“But it was never in me to give up，because I realized that I was never going to be successful unless I got an education.”

Even before Dawn's family left her，she led a difficult life.Her family was poor and cups of noodles were often the only food.Dawn“studied by candlelight”because her parents couldn't afford to pay the electricity bill(电费)．

Dawn has now reconnected with her family.They are proud of her accomplishments(成就)and are attending her high school graduation.