Empathy (同理心) is one of those strange qualities — something almost everyone wants, but few know how to truly give or receive it. In a world where self-satisfaction is emphasized, it is in short supply but high demand. This is all the more reason to teach the next generation what it means to have empathy for those around them.

What Is Empathy? — Many people confuse sympathy and empathy, but they are two distinct values. Empathy is not just the ability to understand someone's feelings; criminals often take advantage of people by appearing to understand their feelings and subsequently gaining their trust. Empathy is more than that. Not only is it the ability to recognize how someone feels, but it also values and respects the feelings of another person. It means treating others with kindness, dignity, and understanding.

Kids Need To See Adults Show Empathy — While some children are gifted with naturally kind hearts, in most cases kids need to see empathy modeled by the adults around them. It begins with the way parents relate to their children. Parents who show an interest in the things that matter to their kids and respond to emotions in a positive and caring way are teaching the skill of empathy.

Meet Emotional Needs — When children have their emotional needs met, two things happen. They learn how to meet the emotional needs of others and they are anchored in what they are receiving, meaning that they are secure enough to give to others when the need arises but first they need to receive. An empty jug cannot fill a cup.

It's a good idea to talk to kids about emotions and how other people experience them. Give their emotions names (for example, jealousy, anger, and love) and teach them that these are normal. Talk to them about how to handle emotions in a positive way and point out situations where other people are experiencing emotions. Teach them about respecting the emotions of others and show them how to act in a situation where a response is required.

Have you ever spent half an hour searching the Internet which, as you find out afterwards, lasted three hours, or opened a book shortly after breakfast and a little while later noticed that the room was getting darker?

Most people can remember experiencing such a state. Your mind wasn't wandering; you were totally focused and concentrated on that activity, to such an extent that you were not even aware of yourself. Psychologists call these fully absorbing experiences flow states, which were discovered and named by a world-famous psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. His celebrated book Flow: The Psychology of Happiness became an instant best-seller, making its way to the top self-help classics.

The state of flow happens under very specific conditions-when we encounter a challenge that is testing for our skills, and yet our skills and capacities are such that it is just about possible to meet this challenge. So both the challenge and the skills are at high levels, stretching us almost to the limit. If challenges exceed skills, one can become anxious. If skills exceed challenges, we usually become bored. Neither of these two cases result in flow.

What is also interesting in flow is the almost total absence of emotions during the actual process. One seems to be almost beyond experiencing emotions, most likely because the awareness of self is not present. Mihaly himself is also very much aware of the potential negative impact of the flow. One philosopher once describes his own experience of flow: “When I get totally involved in the conversation, I am not aware of myself, the world around or the passage of time. Sometimes, I may become addictive to that existence, unwilling to cope with other daily routines of life, like forgetting dinner, and saying goodbye to my children.”