What Are the Roots of Your Self-Esteem?

Self-esteem is a person’s subjective assessment of his or her worth to himself or herself. Self-esteem covers various beliefs about oneself (such as “I’m a failure” and “I’m beautiful”) as well as physiological states, including sadness, joy, and shame. When we don’t believe that we are worthy of these things, our ability to enjoy them can suffer. 【小题1】 The more we believe that we are worthy of happiness and good things in life, the more self-fulfilled we will be.

Healthy self-esteem as an adult can be a gift given in your childhood. It is a blessing that most people overlook. There are so many ways adults with high self-esteem were supported as children that resulted in them having high self-esteem. For instance, they were praised for what they had achieved.

【小题2】 They likely experienced affection and were given enough attention. It is also possible that they excelled in studies or in sports and were admired for it by peers.

【小题3】 As children, many of these people were criticized, yelled at, or abused in one way or another. There is also a high chance that they were given no attention by the adults who were supposed to care for them. In some cases, adults with poor self-esteem were often ridiculed for their shortcomings or bullied by peers.

It is common that these adults also believe that in order to be appreciated they need to be perfect. 【小题4】 There are people who are obsessed with their careers or hobbies because in their mind they need to tie their worthiness to something concrete. Oftentimes these people have to pretend to be something they are not just to get approval.

How you feel about yourself impacts how you live your life. People with high self-esteem tend to have better relationships than those with low self-esteem. High self-esteem enables you to ask for help and support from the people around you when you need it. 【小题5】

We all know that money can’t buy happiness. No matter how much we earn, or how nice our clothing or cars or toys are, none of it will make us happier. 【小题1】 And the sad thing is that it could take us decades of pursuing wealth and luxury (奢侈) items before we realize this.

So what will bring us happiness? 【小题2】 These three things have been proven by surveys of hundreds of thousands of people about what they have, what their lives are like, and how happy they are.

【小题3】 We have a human need to be close to other human beings. Having good, supportive friendships, a strong marriage or close and loving relationships with our family members will make us much more likely to be happy. So take time to stay with your loved ones, to tell them what they mean to you, to listen to them.

Positive thinking can lead to happiness too. In fact, optimism and self-confidence are some of the indicators (迹象) of people who lead happy lives. So remember to get into the habit of squashing (排除) all negative thoughts and replacing them with positive ones.【小题4】

The state we enter when we are completely focused on the work or task before us will almost undoubtedly lead to happiness. People find greatest enjoyment not when they are doing mindless work, but when they are absorbed in a mindful challenge.【小题5】 Turn off the TV, get outside and do something that truly attract you.

You’ve been given the Three Secrets to Happiness. Don’t waste them.

Mom was right! If you say thank you, for even the smallest gift or slightest show of kindness, you’ll feel happy.

Gratitude, says Robert A. Emmons, a professor or psychology at the University of California, is an important element of happiness. In his recent took,Thanks!, Emmons uses the first major study on gratitude to prove mom’s point. In acknowledging and developing this much-ignored expression of thankfulness, he explains how people have benefited---- even improved their health.

As one of the leading scholars of the positive psychology movement, he admits gratitude may be difficult to express. He advises you to begin by admitting that life is good and full of events and elements that make daily existence a wonder. Second, recognize that the source of life’s goodness is more than just you. That source may be your mom, a friend, partner, child, colleague at work or play, or any combination of these.

Gratitude is always other-directed, notes Emmons. You can be pleased or angry with yourself and feel guilty about doing something wrong, but you can never be grateful to or for yourself.

Expressing gratitude shouldn’t be a reaction; it should be a state of mind. To feel grateful when life is a breeze and you have more than you need is easy. To feel grateful in time of crisis---- anger, hatred and bitterness----is easier. Also, too many people are aware of life’s blessings only after these are lost.

It’s crisis and chaos ---- danger, disease, disability and death ---- that bring many individuals to realize just how dependent they are on others. Yet it’s the way each of us begins life and ends it. It’s too bad that so many people waste those decades in between labouring under the illusion they are self-sufficient, says Emmons.

The abundance of voices expressing gratitude from his studies of individuals with chronic health problems is many. But Emmons goes beyond his “groundbreaking” science to make his case for gratitude by including the inspirational writings of philosophers, novelists and saints, as well as the beliefs of various religions and their respective scriptures. Taken together, these observations are summed up quite nicely by famous humanist Albert Schweitzer, who said the secret of life is “giving thanks for everything.”

To enable and embrace gratitude, Emmons encourages the readers ofThanks! To keep a gratitude diary. He even provides easy-to-follow directions on how to practice and develop gratitude.

I’m not a reader or advocate of self-help books, but I am thankful for the reference I found in a newspaper article to the research Emmons was conducting on gratitude involving organ donors and recipients. The chance discovery led me to this book.

Mom implied that kindness seems to find its way back to the giver because life really is all about giving, receiving and repaying. So I’ll pay attention to her professional advice and say: Thank you, professor Emmons.