You might have ever noticed how some people can effortlessly talk to anyone they meet, no matter how different their backgrounds are. Or you may have seen that one person who always offends someone, no matter what the topic of conversation is. These two situations describe how we can differ in our abilities to interact, get along with, and relate to others around us. In the same way that we vary in traditional academic competencies, we can vary in how socially competent we are. After years of academic research and development, this social ability is now commonly referred to as “social intelligence.”

Social intelligence is the ability to understand other people, how they work, what motivates them, and how to work cooperatively with them. It is a relationship-based construct that centers on the way we understand others, interact with others, and present ourselves to others. As an example, you would not speak in the same way toward your 70-year-old mother as you would to your 16-year-old daughter. In our working lives, we come across different social groups including those from different countries, varying age groups and cultural identities. Being able to acknowledge and understand people’s different backgrounds is a key way to connect with them.

Our ability to navigate successfully through our lives relies heavily on our levels of social intelligence. It can affect the relationships we form with our partners and children, the friendship circles that we build, and our ability to progress in our careers and ambitions. Given the importance of social intelligence in multiple aspects of life, it is therefore in our best interest to better understand the concept of social intelligence and take the following ways to improve it.

The other day I was shopping at the local Chinese grocery store．There was a line at the fish counter，but only one staff person was there to take care of the customers． Some customers ordered quite an amount of fish for that staff person to work on． At last I was the second in line；all I wanted was a couple of crabs and should get out of there in no time．

Noticing it was very busy at the fish counter， another staff person came over to help． I was ready to be served， but the staff person went to the end of the line and began to help a couple of ladies with snails （蜗牛）．The customer in front of me， being served，turned around and looked at me sympathetically， and the customer behind me called to the staff person，"You should start her，"pointing at me．He was，well，ignored．

If someone asked me，"What is the most important rule to follow in America？"I would reply without hesitation，"Wait your turn at all times．"Wherever you go here in this country， you will find people waiting in a line quietly to get anything： whether in the supermarkets，department stores，bus stops，or gas stations， it's just a matter of waiting your turn．In a larger sense，"wait your turn"is more than just a guideline﹣it is a very basic norm （准则）that reflects the fundamental value of the western cultures． But in some situations your turn does not always come based on when you get there and how long you have waited in line， just like my case at the store．Even though this did not often happen， it did make me feel upset．

In many cultures, small talk is a big deal. 【小题1】 it is actually very important for communicating and bonding with others.

According to US inspirational speaker Wadsworth, “Small talk is about making use of possibilities.” 【小题2】 which can lead to friendships, jobs, or other goals. Not only that, small talk is shown to increase brainpower by encouraging empathy (同感), making you consider what another person feels or thinks.

If small talk is so important, how do you do it? 【小题3】 Well, some of the most common topics include the weather, hobbies, work, family and travel. These topics are great for small talk because they are relatable. It’s easy for people to talk about them.

【小题4】 For example, you can talk to your schoolmates about your classes or that teacher who drives everyone crazy. If you are at a party, you might comment on the snacks, music, or the number of people there. If you are lucky, you might have a friend introducing you to others first to help start a conversation.

Sometimes, it may seem a bit difficult to start a conversation with someone you don’t know. That’s OK. 【小题5】 Wadsworth has the best advice for this: “Approach the conversation excited about the friendship, the good laugh, the fascinating story, the job opportunity, the date, the joy or the sense-of-belonging potential inherent (内在的) in this shared experience.” Small talk might just be the first step to something much bigger.