As the pandemic started, so, too, did my journey as a Ph.D. student in a new country. Lockdown and homesickness combined to leave me feeling isolated and desperate to meet people. So, when I received an email one morning inviting volunteers to join the university’s graduate students’ society, I was intrigued. I worried that getting involved in extracurriculars would be a distraction from my Ph.D. work; I thought doing experiments and reading papers were supposed to be my sole priorities. But maybe this was my chance to make friends and find the connections I was missing.

I searched for opportunities that would involve teamwork and engagement both within and outside the university. A newly fledged venture matching graduate students with jobs and internships caught my eye, which needed placement coordinators who would lead teams of graduate student volunteers to help bring in industry partners, determine logistics, and work with the university administration and student applicants. I had no relevant experience, but I decided I might as well go for it and apply due to its requirement for interactions with others.

The first few weeks in my new role were frustrating. Along with my routine Ph.D. work, I was suddenly managing a team of four volunteers and arranging virtual meetings with industry professionals and startup founders. I found I was busier than ever before, but I enjoyed the daily mix of activities. It was an antidote (解药) to isolation, bringing me into contact with people from a variety of fields, positions, and backgrounds. At first I was scared in meetings with industry professionals, feeling I wasn’t prepared or polished enough. But as I gained experience and confidence, the interactions became truly enjoyable and rewarding. I began to feel less lonely and more energetic about my work and life.

I also learned about leadership. I asked team members to lead some of our meetings, encouraged them to express their views, and made sure to include them consistently. This approach allowed us to meet our targets while helping everyone feel more invested, fulfilled, and connected—as colleagues, but also as friends.

Normally, I loved birthdays. When my son and three daughters were little, my husband, Charles, and I always made sure to have dinner, followed by a big cake and presents.

Later, when the kids grew up and lived in different states, they always called to wish me a happy birthday. But this year I could have skipped the whole day, knowing there was one call I wouldn’t be receiving, the one from my daughter Patty. She’d passed away unexpectedly just a month before. One thing which made me feel a little calm was a voice message that she’d left on my cell phone the night before she died, telling me she loved me.

Over the following days I played her message of wishes over and over again, listening to the last words she said. “I love you very, very much, Mom.” Then, a couple of weeks before my birthday, while I was doing laundry (洗衣服), I accidentally dropped my phone in the washing machine. Quickly I pulled it out and dried it off, but when I checked my voicemail, Patty’s message was gone. I cried, heartbroken. Day after day I kept checking my voicemail, hoping Patty’s message would reappear. It never did.

On the morning of my birthday, I received my son’s wishes. However, all I wanted for my birthday was to hear Patty’s voice again. “Happy birthday.” Charles said, “let’s go out for dinner and a movie. It might help take your mind off things.” Charles was right. I turned off my phone, settled into my seat in the movie theater and let the film take me away. But the minute it ended I started thinking about Patty again. As we were walking out of the theater, I turned on my phone. It rang, signaling I’d gotten a voice message. Probably just my youngest daughter, Leslie, calling to wish me a happy birthday, I thought.

I dialed up voicemail and the message began. It was Patty’s voice, clear as a bell, saying again, “I love you very, very much, Mom.”

One Tuesday, we got up, had breakfast and got ready for school.   We picked up our school bags and went to school. I opened my school bag to get my homework after I went into the classroom and sat down. My school homework needed to be handed in. But it was not there! I remembered I had put it in my school bag.

I thought back to Monday afternoon.   I finished my school homework, put it in my school bag, and went out to play softball with the neighbor kids. My sister Sara was not out playing as usual. She read a book inside the house. She must have taken my homework while I was playing softball outside as no kids came inside our house on Monday.

After school I ran to the place where my sister and I usually meet. There was Sara. She didn't seem to be laughing at me. She is good at giving false information. “Sara, what have you done with my homework？” I asked. She said she hadn't seen it! “What should I do？” I thought. I waited for a chance to talk to Mom.

In Mom's room, I cried and shouted.   I couldn't help shaking.   I told her about my missing school homework. Hearing this, Mom left the room, went into the kitchen hurriedly and started looking in the trash. She pulled my school homework out of the trash! Mom said, “I'm sorry, Teri. I saw that your school bag was too heavy, so I cleaned it out for you. Your homework didn't look any different from the waste paper which I threw away.”

I realized that I had misunderstood my sister. I apologized to her. And I learnt a good lesson from this experience.