Do you often compare yourself to other people? Comparisons can help to make decisions and motivate you but they can also pull you into a comparison trap.
Whether it’s the number of goals you’ve scored at football or how many books you’ve read, it’s easy to compare yourself to someone else. Scientists say it’s a natural behaviour that helps humans learn from each other, live happily together and achieve more. Although comparing can be good for you, it’s not always helpful and you can find yourself stuck in a comparison trap. This is when you always measure yourself against others and base your feelings on how well they seem to be doing.
Becky Goddard-Hill is a child therapist (someone who helps children understand their feelings) and author of Create Your Own Confidence. She says that comparisons can make us feel good and bad about ourselves. “Comparing up” means seeing someone doing better than you and using that to inspire yourself to aim higher and try harder. However, Goddard-Hill says, “Sometimes it can make you feel rubbish about yourself and knock your confidence.” “Comparing down” is when you see someone who seems like they’re not doing as well as you. This might make you feel you’re doing well, says Goddard-Hill,but it can also stop you wanting to improve.
If your feelings depend on what other people are doing, “Surround yourself with cheerleaders,” suggests Goddard-Hill. Notice how people make you feel and spend time with friends who celebrate your strengths rather than compare themselves to you. If you follow social media accounts that make you feel you are failing in any way, unfollow them. “Find ones that make you laugh or show you lovely places instead,” she says. Finally, focus on your own achievements and how you can improve. “The best person you can compete with is yourself,” says Goddard-Hill.
【小题1】How does a comparison trap affect us?| A．It makes us focus on our own behaviour. |
| B．It stops us from learning from each other. |
| C．It prevents us from living happily together. |
| D．It bases our feelings on others’ achievements. |
| A．Both of them usually enhance our confidence. |
| B．Both of them have advantages and disadvantages. |
| C．The former is positive while the latter is negative. |
| D．The former makes us feel good while the latter makes us feel bad. |
| A．Aiming to be our best. | B．Trying to be the best. |
| C．Trying to be a cheerleader. | D．Valuing someone else’s achievements. |
| A．Achievement. | B．Entertainment. | C．Health. | D．Politics. |
“What is the biggest challenge of graduate school?” an undergraduate asked the discussion group of graduate students at an event I helped organize last summer. “Not letting the support from my community turn into pressure,” one group member responded.
That answer might have surprised some people. But I understood exactly what she meant. The speaker was an African-American woman. I am a member of a minority group myself, pursuing (追求) a doctor’s degree in chemistry, so her comment resonated (共鸣) with me.
Throughout my education, friends and family have expected me to take advantage of every opportunity I come across because I may not get the same chance again. Members of my community expect me to give outstanding performances everywhere I go because I represent them and our culture. This has been a great source of motivation, but also of pressure. And when I heard the member echo (重复) my experience, I understood that I needed to educate my community about how their comments made me feel and how to keep their support from becoming stressful.
Now when people in my community—always with the best intentions—say something that creates pressure, I tell them and we talk about it. This was a bit awkward at first. But they want to support me, so I need to give them the tools to do that.
Sometimes, friends and family ask me, “How soon can you get your degree?” As many students will agree, this question makes them feel bad. Now I respond by telling them that I prefer to be asked “How are you progressing in your program?” and I explain why.
All graduate students carry a weight of expectations from family, friends and community. Being aware of our needs and opening up lines of communication with supporters is a starting point for making the journey less stressful.
【小题1】How does the author introduce the topic?| A．By asking questions for readers to think about. |
| B．By presenting a situation that aroused her thought. |
| C．By quoting a famous saying. |
| D．By comparing different research findings. |
| A．It is puzzling. |
| B．It is ridiculous. |
| C．It is reasonable. |
| D．It is surprising. |
| A．A different culture. |
| B．A golden opportunity. |
| C．The author’s achievement. |
| D．Other people’s expectations. |
| A．She tells them her thoughts. |
| B．She pretends not to hear them. |
| C．She refuses to talk to them again. |
| D．She argues with them about these questions. |
No fight can end, and no friendship can move on, until everyone says these little words: I’m sorry. Sometimes, though, they can be difficult to say.
Take the first step. Are you sick of fighting? Do you think this fight is just not important enough to ruin your friendship?
| A．Stop thinking about your pride. |
| B．Then try to be the first to apologize. |
| C．Here are some things to keep in mind. |
| D．Don’t let this happen to a friendship you care about. |
| E．It’s about taking some responsibility for the argument. |
| F．Once you’ve both said it, you’ll both feel a million times better. |
| G．There are some special cases when you shouldn’t be the one to apologize first. |
“Work hard, play hard” is a commonly used phrase that refers to having a good work-life balance.
Assess how you spend your free time
Estimate how much free time you have each week and then make a list of the different activities you typically do outside of work. For a more accurate assessment, consider tracking how you spend your free time over the next week by keeping a log of your daily activities.
Make a list of things that interest you
Consider what hobbies, topics and activities interest you.
While many people keep a schedule for work, scheduling your play time can also be beneficial. You can use a calendar or scheduling software to block off the times you plan to spend on work. Then, consider what personal goals you have for the week, what habits you would like to implement and what activities you might enjoy. You can create a list to help you stay organized.
| A．Schedule your work time and your play time. |
| B．Identify your work goals and reward yourself for achieving them. |
| C．It can also help you learn new skills, decrease stress and improve your self-esteem. |
| D．If you want to strive to achieve a healthy work-life balance by embracing this lifestyle, adopting the work hard, play hard lifestyle may benefit you. |
| E．For example, if you want to write a novel this year, you might set a daily or weekly word count goal to help you track your progress. |
| F．At the end of the week, reflect on how much time you spent on hobbies, activities or interests that bring you joy. |
| G．Perhaps you’ve always wanted to learn a new language, play tennis or learn to play the piano. |
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