I know many people who spend time thinking about all the might-have-beens, what-ifs and opportunities they’ve missed. They spend their lives constantly feeling like they’ve missed out on something big. Their boats have sailed. They’ve missed their one and only opportunity to be rich, famous and do something really amazing.

I know someone who used to enter the same numbers in the lottery every week. One week, she was too busy to get the ticket before the agency closed. And her numbers came up. There were no winners that week and the jackpot money rolled over to the following week: 10 million pounds. She’s never forgiven herself. Since then, she’s lived her life feeling like she’s missed her boat, the only opportunity she’ll ever have to be happy.

I suspect most of us would be pretty upset if that happened to us. Now, the question is, would we allow it to rule the rest of our lives? Or should we consider the possibility that it happened for a reason?

Now, I’ll admit that I’d have a very hard time saying anything along those lines for quite a while if something like that happened to me. But, if I knew that I was putting every effort into being wealthy or happy, then I would also know that just because something didn’t happen the way it ought to happen, everything would still be alright. I will be able to relax and let it go.

Nothing ever happens to me, but everything always happens for me. So long as I’m keeping my eye on my goals, everything that happens is the Universe moving me towards my goals. It’s definitely easier said than done, particularly at first. But it is doable. It’s simply a choice.

You haven’t missed your boat. Your boat is still there. Don’t waste your life crying over someone else’s boat. Step onto your own.

If you play sports, you may have felt stressed from time to time. Coaches, parents, and even friends can place unrealistic expectations upon you.【小题1】

Is it a bad thing for others to have high expectations of you? Not necessarily! 【小题2】 When expectations are unrealistic, though, they are impossible to meet. They might hurt your self-esteem or make you feel discouraged.

【小题3】 Of course they can! A researcher named Robert Rosenthal first studied it in 1964. He carried out an experiment at a primary school near San Francisco. First, he chose a group of students at random. Then, he told teachers at the school that those students were highly likely to succeed. He said the students’ IQs would rise greatly in the coming years.

Then, Rosenthal followed the children for two years. He found that when teachers expected these kids to do well, that’s exactly what happened.

The next question was obvious: Why? Rosenthal found that higher expectations affected the teachers’ interactions with these students. For example, they gave these kids more time to answer questions. They also gave more support. 【小题4】

The similar result has been repeated in many other places. It’s sometimes called the expectancy elect. So it’s important to hold high but realistic expectations for people. Start by getting to know those around you and understanding their goals and dreams. Then, support them by holding properly high expectations and showing you believe in them. 【小题5】 Everyone can benefit from the high expectations of their friends, families, and teachers.

People generally see themselves through achievements. In doing that, they end up caring more about their image than the reality of who they actually are. Rather than their work doing the talking, they end up defining themselves by external markers that they hope will earn them respect.

The problem with this is that it encourages both themselves and other people to judge their worth based on some relatively unimportant measure. For example, one day, their educational diploma (文凭) may overshadow what they actually learned. Therefore, a better way to know a person, I think, is to ask a different set of questions: What motivates them? What makes them ache? What do they long for?

It’s in this spirit that I want to publicly share my values. They are the compass (罗盘) that guides my life. The kindest and most sincere thing I can do is to see, recognize, and understand another person before I make judgments. From there, I can learn to treat others appropriately, depending on the context, learning from my mistakes with time and experience. It’s just a reminder that life is hard for all of us, while at the same time accepting that it’s important we are all also held accountable for our actions.

I have learned that we are all deeply self-interested. I hope to be self-aware enough to check out of the power and status games. That means I’m not competing with anyone for a shiny object; I’d rather compete with myself. It’s about becoming so uniquely different that it would be an insult for me to measure myself against someone else. I believe if I do the work to be internally free from the pull of the power and status games, then I can add value to others based on my unique knowledge and experience.

If this resonates with (与……共鸣) you, I invite you to join me on this journey in understanding and relating to this complex world. It’s a wonderful mystery, and I think together we can better define it — not just personally, but also collectively.