We need to be conscious of the fact that people around us influence us in subtle ways that may encourage us, or hamper it. Motivational speaker Jim Rohn famously said, “You’re the average of the five people you spend most of your time with”. 【小题1】

If this “circle” of people is goal-driven, and encouraging, we can experience a positive impact on our actions. On the other hand, if the people around us are negative and restrictive, we may subconsciously “live-up” to these qualities and stop our own personal growth in the process.

【小题2】

How do you identify who is influencing you? Be mindful of the conversations you have with people and the activities you engage in with them. What are the opinions that dominate in your social group? 【小题3】If there is a discrepancy between what you are and where you want to be, look at your circle of five and you will see how instrumental they are in influencing your path. Identify and exclude time and energy vampires from your circle of five.

Nourish your circle

Once you identify the people who belong to your reference group, it is important to nourish these relationships.   【小题4】 Different individuals evolve at a different pace. The important part is to be aware of this living and changing “circle of five”. Of course, five is a rough guide. It could be slightly more or less. Let this circle of five motivate you, help you gain courage, and take the right actions.

【小题5】 Play this role sincerely and demonstrate a growth mindset to anyone who lists you as part of their circle of five.

People often say that the Englishman’s home is his castle. They mean that the home is very important and personal to him. Most people in Britain live in houses rather than flats, and many people own their homes. This means that they can make them individual; they can paint them, and change them in any way they like. Most houses have a garden, even if it is a very small one, and the garden is usually loved. The house and the garden are the private space of the individual.

People usually like to mark their space. Are you sitting now in your home or on a train? Have you marked the space around yourself as your? If you are on the train you may put your coat or small bag on the seat beside you. If you share a flat, you may have one corner or chair which is your own.

Once I was travelling on a train to London. I was in a section for four people and there was a table between us. There was no space on my side of the table at all. I was angry. Maybe he thought that he owned the whole table. I had read a book about non­verbal communication, so I took various papers out of my bag and put them on his briefcase! When I did this he stiffened and his eyes nearly popped (瞪出) out of his head. I had invaded (侵犯) his space! A few minutes later I took my papers off his case in order to read them. He immediately moved his case to his side of the table. Of course, it is possible that he just wanted to be helpful to me!

If you are visiting another country, you may feel that you don’t have any private space. Hotel rooms look much the same in every country in the world. All day long, you share public spaces with other people. You see the local people in their private spaces and you feel lonely and “outside”. Local people can create their private spaces by talking about things you don’t know about. And you even feel that they like you to be outside them so that they will enjoy being inside even more! This is one of the difficulties of being a traveler! But if you understand it then it helps you. Haven’t you enjoyed being part of a group and “owning” a bit of space?

There was a time when I was very concerned about what other people thought of me, especially when I was misunderstood and labeled incorrectly. 【小题1】 Of course, you need to do something to let go of that mental suffering if you are stuck in such a similar situation.

【小题2】 What makes what other people think of you so important? If other people’s opinions cause you to worry, chances are that you have a tendency to be pleased. Being favored might be a winning formula for you in the past. Certainly, there are advantages to having someone’s high regard. But if it doesn’t come as expected, ignore it.

·Understand you can’t control others. The reality is that you cannot control what another person thinks of you. What most people don’t understand is that we often form opinions of others based on associations we had in the past. 【小题3】 That’s his or her private views.

·Practice daily self-love and acceptance. Your situation may come from a concept that we are not as worthy as another person and our needs are not as important as theirs. 【小题4】 That’s to say, there is no one above or below you. We all have different roles but that does not make anyone more valuable as a human being.

·Live a life that pleases you. Constant worry about what others think of you must create considerable stress and will impact your relationships, your health, and your peace of mind.

·Stay true to your values and do your own thing. You will not need to be concerned with the few people who just don’t seem to understand you. 【小题5】