Throughout your life you will have many different kinds of relationships. Some relationships are casual and some are close. Strong, close relationships are fulfilling(有意义的). Most people need at least a few relationships of this type.

Ben liked to tell this story about his good friend Isaac: “Once after a big storm, tree branches were all over the yard, which meant I had a full morning of work. Then Isaac came, saying that since I had offered to drive us to the football game that afternoon, he wanted to save me the trouble of picking him up. He was three hours early, however, and he ‘just happened’ to have a rake(耙子) and heavy work gloves with him.”

Isaac showed he understood a basic principle of strong relationships: both sides give as well as receive, otherwise the relationship is unlikely to last.

In strong relationships, giving and getting are united. You feel worthy as a person when you have something to give. When you receive, you give thanks and show appreciation. The cycle of giving and receiving is on going.

One way to help keep relationships strong is to give a word of thanks to anyone who helps you. People can feel hurt if their help isn't acknowledged. For example, Amrit was growing frustrated because Curtis kept calling for help with his homework. So one day when Curtis called, he even thought about telling his brother to say that he wasn't at home. He was glad he didn't. Curtis had called to say how well he had done in his test and to thank Amrit for his help. Saying those two simple words-“Thank you”-can carry a relationship through rough times.

“Sorry seems to be the hardest word”—that is one of Elton Johns most popular songs. But not every public figure seems to find it so tough to say that powerful five-letter word.

In recent days public figures, from politicians to stars, have all publicly expressed remorse. But with so much remorse, how can we tell a forced apology from a heartfelt expression of remorse?

Specifically, saying sorry should be a realization that something you have said or done has hurt someone and you want to make amends. “People wants the response to be personal to them. They want to feel that they’re being listened to and taken seriously,” says Martin Stone.

Firstly, it is important to show that you understand. It is vital that any group or a person making an apology understands the focus—is it sorry for the way it’s acted or is it sorry that the complainant feels the way they do? Watch out for the speed of response. The quicker the apology comes, the better it indicates that the person making it has felt an immediate sense of guilt.

If sincere, the person making the apology will be looking for clues (线索) to see if he or she is being understood, such as eye contact and facial expressions. Performed apologies always have a sense of being “acted out”, and are often accompanied by too many unnatural gestures.

For a sincere apology, it is also important to avoid promises that can’t be kept. Don’t say that you’ll make sure that this will not happen again if you re not confident that it wont. It could come back to bite you. And do remember that the use of “but” can hugely change the tone (语气) of an apology. As Stone points out, “I’m sorry but...” sounds like you are making excuses and aren’t actually taking any form of responsibility.

Life affects friendships. As we grow, marry, fight in wars, move across the country or change jobs, old friendships fall away and new ones form. As long as we live, the things around us change, and as long as things change, friendships are affected.

When we were children, we had best friends. No matter what happened we were still friends. We live our lives, however, and do what life calls for us to do, and as we get older, memories fade, faces blur, and even friends’ names from childhood are forgotten.

Do you have a question about friendship? Do you wonder what to do with a friend who is no longer friendly? Perhaps you will see that you can’t control others. If someone wants to be your friend, it is their choice. All you can do is treat them well and do the best for them when you are with them. Then you wish them well when they leave.

You can talk to old timers (老前辈) and they will tell you that life is full of joy and sorrow, and that what bothers you today will one day become a memory and the pain will be gone. Seniors might tell you that you will learn more as you get older. They will tell you that friendships come and friendships go. Sometimes when they go, it will hurt, but you will be okay with it. It’s the way life works, after all.