A star athlete at the college where I work recently stopped by my office. After committing a few unforced errors during a weekend match, she was torn apart by self-criticism. “I can’t stop beating myself up.” she told me. “I’m at peak fitness, and I practice hard. How is this happening?”

Many students I teach, like this athlete, believe that all-nighters in the library and hours on the field should get them exactly where they need to go. When they fall short of what they imagine they should accomplish, they are crushed by self-blame.

We talk often about young adults struggling with failure because their parents have protected them from discomfort. But there is something else at play among the most privileged in particular: a false promise that they can achieve anything if they are willing to work for it.

Psychologists have sourced this phenomenon to a misapplication of “mind-set” research, which has found that praising children for effort will increase academic performance. But a 2018 analysis found that while praising effort over ability may benefit high-risk or economically disadvantaged students, it does not necessarily help everyone.

The cruel, messy reality is that you can do everything in your power and still fail. Instead of allowing our kids to beat themselves up when things don’t go their way, we should all question a culture that has taught them that feeling anything less than overwhelmed means they’re lazy, and that where they go to college matters more than the kind of person they are. It’s suggested that parents and teachers spend time helping students find purpose, or goals they genuinely love to pursue and that make an impact on the world, which may help them gain greater life satisfaction and become more psychologically mature.

The point is not to give our kids a pass on working hard. But we would be wise to remind our kids that life has a way of sucker-punching (出其不意地击打) us when we least expect it. It’s often the people who learn to say “stuff happens” who gets up the fastest.

Life is like a book. There are two pens which can write this book. One is writing growth, and the other is writing caducity (衰老). One is describing success, and the other is presenting failure. 【小题1】

Life is like a heavy truck, so happiness and sorrow are like the wheels. No cross, no crown. No pain, no joy. 【小题2】 One is that to live a day is to leave a day. The other is that to live a day is to enjoy a day. Just one word difference, it has reflected the complete reverse (相反的) state of psychology. Life is like the course, which is investing (投资)all the time. 【小题3】

When you have it, you should use it well and make it develop great actions. Please remember, the active attitude creates wonderful life, or the negative attitude wastes lifetime.

【小题4】 When she was about to knock at the door, she heard someone speaking in the room. A little girl said, “Would you like some braised (炖熟的) pork today?” Another girl said, “No. I would like some toasted chicken.” Following the words, the lady knocked at the door and went into the room. 【小题5】 To her surprise, there were only some pieces of thin and dry bread, two cold potatoes and a jar of water on the table. The lady asked them what was the matter. They said that they imagined that, so poor food was turned into many kinds of delicious food.

When the lady left the family, she had new understanding of happiness.

Miss Marquis was my mentor (导师) when I was 12 and she’s my mentor now as a teacher.

My family moved to the UK from Saudi Arabia in 2017. When I started school there, I didn’t have a great understanding of the English language. Thankfully, I had an amazing teacher called Miss Marquis who helped me get through it. She pushed me all the way and gave me the right guidance.

During my teacher training with ARK, I was given a place at Globe Academy in London as a math teacher. When I saw the head of the English department was Miss Marquis, my jaw (下巴) dropped. It was unbelievable.

I still can’t call her by her first name. The respect I have for her is still there. In one of the lessons I observed she was reading the same book we used in our GCSEs and it took me back to the days when I was being taught by her. You knew you could go to her and share your problems. At the same time, you would never mess about in her lesson. Misbehaving was simply not done.

My aim as a teacher is affected by her. Teaching is about the mark you make on other people’s lives. I’ve worked in a few different schools during my training but I chose ARK because it gives opportunities to children who may not be from wealthy backgrounds. I am trying to have an impact on these people.

It doesn’t matter how many books you read, and nothing can prepare you for your first lesson. I have read all the theories about how to manage behavior but a lot of them just go out of my head when I walk into the classroom because they’re not robots. They’re all unique individuals and you can’t control them. You need to put the work in and build relationships with the students.