Everyone needs to be safe, loved and to have a sense of belonging. These are inborn and natural basic needs. In an effort to have these needs satisfied, many of us tend to please others. And it works for a while. We find that we experience less conflict (冲突) with others, but the conflict within ourselves grows. Saying “ no ” produces feeling of guilt (内疚) and saying “ yes ” brings anger.
My father was in the military, so we often moved. Being shy, I didn’t make friends. What’s more, I grew up in a household where grades, image and how others saw our family were very important. In our household a “ C ” was unacceptable, a “ B ” should have been an “ A ” and an “ A ” meant the lesson was too easy. I was too thin, my sister was too fat and my brother’s lips and ears were too big for his tiny head.
To stop pleasing others is easier said than done. It’s a long process, one in which I am consistently working to perfect. The turning point for me came shortly after I got married. The very first thing that we did to end the cycle of pleasing others was developing our own identity as independent human beings and then as a couple. And then we developed a strong set of core (核心) values and a vision for our future. The third and one of the most valuable things we did during this process was developing our own personal influence on others and we valued deeply the opinions of the wiser and more successful people around us.
Besides, we should understand that sometimes helping people at once actually hurts them. The struggle is necessary to success. The struggle strengthens character, making people determined. So sometimes allowing people to struggle is the best thing you can do for them.
【小题1】How are we likely to feel when pleasing others?| A．Angry | B．Satisfied. | C．Guilty | D．Happy |
| A．He grew up doing a lot of housework. | B．It was hard for him to adapt to the moving life. |
| C．He realized the value of opinions from others. | D．His parents had great expectations of the children. |
| A．What steps the author took to go on pleasing others. |
| B．Why the author further developed his values and character. |
| C．How the author stepped out of the cycle of pleasing others. |
| D．When the author turned to others for their valuable opinions. |
| A．Helping others at once. | B．Thinking twice before offering help. |
| C．Refusing to help others. | D．Leaving someone in trouble alone. |
