A star athlete at the college where I work recently stopped by my office. After committing a few unforced errors during a weekend match, she was riven by self-criticism. “I’m at peak fitness, and I practice hard. How is this happening?” She asked.

This student believes she should be able to control the outcomes of her life by virtue of her hard work. She has a sense that hours on the field should get her exactly where she needs to go. Many students have similar mentality. When they win, they feel powerful and smart. When they fail, they are crushed by self-blame. If my achievements are mine to control, they reason, my failures must be entirely my fault, too.

We talk often about young adults struggling with failure because their parents have protected them from discomfort. But there is something else at play: a false promise that they can achieve anything if they are willing to work for it.

Psychologists have sourced this phenomenon to a misapplication of “mindset” research, which has found that praising children for effort will increase academic performance. A 2018 analysis found that while praising effort over ability may benefit economically disadvantaged students, it does not necessarily help everyone.

One possible explanation comes from Suniya Luthar, who argued in a research paper that for teens in wealthy, pressure-cooker communities, “it is not a lack of motivation and perseverance (毅力) that is the big problem. Instead, it is unhealthy perfectionism, and difficulty with backing off when they should, when the desire for achievements is over the top.” They push themselves onward in face of impossible goals. A 2007 study found that teens who refused to give up impossible goals showed higher levels of C-reaction protein, a marker of systemic inflammation (全身炎症) linked to heart disease and other medical conditions. A 2014 study showed a connection between the perfectionist tendencies and depression.

The cruel reality is that you can do everything in your power and still fail. Instead of allowing our kids to beat themselves up when things don’t go their way, we adults should help students pursue success in healthier ways in part by redefining failure as a feature, not a bug, of learning. At Smith College where I teach, students are asked to explore how setbacks and missteps made them stronger or more effective. We would be wise to remind our kids that life has a way of sucker-punching (意外打击) us when we least expect it. It’s often the people who learn to say “stuff happens” who get up the fastest.

While you are studying or working abroad, sharing an apartment with people from other cultures is a great way of getting the most out of a period of the beginning. 【小题1】 Here are some tips to make the process go smoother.

Start by being aware of your own culture, values and attitudes. Understand that people who have not grown up in the same country or context as you can sometimes translate some of your behavior in the wrong way.To avoid this, seek advice from your friends and family to find out more about what type of person you are 【小题2】 You might also consider conducting a little research about what type of stereotypes (成见) other cultures might hold about the people of your own country

【小题3】 Now that you know that people are all different, be understanding when you get to know them,Try to be open-minded so that you can start off on the right foot.This will promote communication with them. To get to know each other better, plan to spend some time doing what each of you likes to do in your spare time. You can cook meals together, go out to the town, listen to music, take a weekend trip and plan some board games.

Moreover,the other person might be from a place where People do not usually do these activities. The opportunities to learn from each other are endless, 【小题4】

People are more similar than you think most of the time. We grow up in such a large world with so much information everywhere and sometimes we can be misled into thinking something that we should not believe, but we have the opportunity to make up our own minds. 【小题5】 You don’t know where people come from and what their story is.

My son was entering Grade 1. He was a bit nervous because he knew his best friend would not be in his new class. I explained to him that even though his best friend would not be in his class, he would still have some of his old classmates.

On the first day of school when the class list was posted, I was shocked! My son had zero former classmates in his class. None. Not one.

How could this happen?

I asked my friend who works with the Hamilton-Wentworth District School Board. She explained , “Many largely populated schools often shuffle(重组) the kids around each year to encourage new friendships.”

If schools are actively trying to place two best friends in different classes simply to shake things up, I think it is a blunder.

I was lucky enough to attend the same primary school all the way through. It was a small class and our group of students moved through each grade together. We felt like brothers and sisters. It was wonderful.

While it may be good to shake things up a bit in the older grades, it seems almost cruel (残忍的) to separate good friends in the younger grades without good cause.

One mom named Karen says that her son is always starting a new grade without any close friends. At first , she thought it was a good idea. Then she realized one thing-her son does not have a “best friend ”, which makes her pretty worried. In fact, she thinks that he does not have any close friends because his classmates are always changing.

Part of a school’s responsibility is to provide a safe and comfortable space for children to learn and grow. If that environment is always changing-causing terrible results- perhaps it is time to rethink this practice.