Thephilosopher，Martin Buber，is most known for his work on ”I-Thou/You" relations-组卷网

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The philosopher，Martin Buber，is most known for his work on ”I-Thou/You" relationships in which people are open，direct，mutually interested in each other. In contrast，“I-It" relationships are those in which we use the other，like an object，to solve our problems and fulfill our needs and purposes.

It is not our fault that many of our relationships are or become "It" relationships because most of what we feel，think and do is motivated by unconscious memories of how to survive the environment. Thus，one of the reasons we use other people to help us feel better about ourselves and cope in the world is that using people was once necessary and it worked.When we were small and helpless，“It"came and-fed us，and held us，and set us on our way.We didn't have to reciprocate and care for“It". Even when the care and attention of "it" was minimal or unpredictable，if we got out of childhood alive，somewhere along the way "it" was involved.

When we are very young，other people are always "it"s whom we use to fulfill our needs. Freud called this stage of early life "primary narcissism",which is our instinct for self-preservation and is a normal part of our development.While most of us grow out of it，we still hold a survival fear，which motivates us to escape danger and to stay alive，and we all need this fear in healthy measure.

The problem is that too many of us，too much of the time，are in a constant state of threat--and we often don't know it. We imagine people are talking about us behind our backs，that we have cancer，that we are inadequate，and vulnerable to more than our share of bad luck.As our brains have grown in size and complexity，so has our ability to scare ourselves.

This causes many problems. For example，our stress levels increase，our digestion is impaired and our thinking becomes restricted. Our threat response stops any bodily function，feeling，thought and behavior that might"waste'"energy and detract from fighting or escaping danger. Thus，when in threat，our emotional，cognitive and behavioral range is significantly reduced.

And in this reduced state, one of our solutions is to find someone who can save and comfort us. Instead of enabling us to be open，direct and mutual，fear and anxiety lead us towards conversations and choices in our relations with others that are orientated towards surviving--not thriving. Threat-motivated relationships are characterized by need，dependency，control，demand，dishonesty，and self-interest.

We cannot form the "I-Thou"relationships that Buber speaks of until we have learned to notice, comfort，and understand the emotions and patterns of our threat brain.When in threat，we tend to use other people as objects who can save and protect us，or who we can blame for our problems.

【小题1】When a person reciprocates,he tends to ________ .