In our daily lives, we need to look at where we focus our time and energy. 【小题1】—our health, our children, problems at work, the national debt, or the nuclear war. We could separate those from things in which we have no particular mental or emotional involvement by creating a “Circle of Concern”.

【小题2】, it becomes apparent that there are some things over which we have no real control and others that we can do something about. We could identify those concerns in the latter group by limiting them within a smaller Circle of Influence.

Proactive (积极主动的) people focus their efforts on the Circle of Influence. 【小题3】. The nature of their energy is positive, enlarging and magnifying, causing their Circle of Influence to increase.

Reactive people, on the other hand, focus their efforts on the Circle of Concern. 【小题4】, the problems in the environment, and circumstances over which they have no control. Their focus results in blaming and accusing attitudes, reactive language, and increased feelings of sadness.

【小题5】—to be a better listener, to be a more loving marriage partner, to be a better student, to be a more cooperative and dedicated employee. Sometimes the most proactive thing we can do is be happy, just to genuinely smile. Happiness, like unhappiness, is a proactive choice. There are things, like the weather, which our Circle of Influence will never include. But as proactive people, we can carry our own physical or social weather with us. We can be happy and accept those things that at present we can’t control, while we focus our efforts on the things that we can.

I was walking down the street in a small town the other day and passed a couple sitting on a bench. “She must be 180 centimeters tall,” I heard the woman say to the man. I turned to look at them straight in the eye at once. I felt angry and awkward that they were talking about me and staring. The woman suddenly said, “Oh, she must understand Chinese.” “Yes, I do,” I replied. Then, they both smiled and laughed, and so did I.

This was yet another time in the town when strangers stared or talked about my appearance. It’s either because of my unusually tall height as a woman or because I am a foreigner. As a shy person, this makes me feel quite uncomfortable. I just want to fit in! I usually just try to ignore such people, but this time, as soon as I talked to the couple, they went from judgmental strangers to people I just shared a warm and funny moment with.

It reminded me how important it is to have the right attitude and to be understanding. There aren’t that many foreigners in the town, so it’s only natural that Chinese people here will feel curious about foreigners and how they look different. Although, when people stare at you it feels a bit hostile, but most people arc simply curious and may even want to chat with you.

In short, I can’t change this situation. The only thing I can change is my attitude toward it. Life is too short to be influenced by the little things. We need to enjoy each moment with a positive and open attitude!

After many years of wearing my favorite denim long-sleeved shirt, I noticed a hole in the elbow.

“You better put a patch or something on it, or it’s going to get worse.” My husband says the second he sees me. I kindly thank him for his advice — and promptly proceed to ignore it.

I continue to get ready for my day. I reach for something at the bottom of my closet. Rip. Was that…I’m sure it’s fine. I stand up and look for something at the top of my closet. Riiiip. Um. I reach for the closet door and slide it shut. Riiiiippp. I look down at my shirt and see paper-thin scraps of fabric flapping around my arms.

This shirt was one of those that got more comfortable the more it was worn, slowly becoming soft as butter against my skin. There were warning signs that it was on its last legs, or arms. Some of the buttons were getting a bit loose. And there were those faint splatters of meals enjoyed that hadn’t quite come out in the wash. People weren’t really wearing this style anymore. But this shirt had seen a lot with me: the ups and downs of dating, saying my vows, the birth of my first child...

There are few material items in life that gain my loyalty. We’re constantly attacked by advertisements, begging us to try the latest and greatest thing. The so-called fast-fashion industry rushes to produce clothes that fit the latest, but in a week those styles are yesterday’s news. But there’s something sweet about reaching for what you know, holding tight to that thing you’re just drawn to, long past when logic tells you it might be time to let go. They represent a life well lived and the joy of being in your element.

“Is it time to let that one go?” My husband asked, as I inspected my blown-out elbows. I paused for a moment, then smiled. I grabbed a pair of scissors and cut the paper-thin fabric right above the rips. Gently, I folded the material past my elbows. I turned toward my husband to show him my new, short-sleeved shirt.

Not yet.