Last year my children gifted me a stainless steel (不锈钢的) coffee plunger (法式按压咖啡壶). I love to start the day with a strong black coffee and couldn't wait to use it. I looked forward to the following morning's coffee making, knowing that I probably wouldn't smash (打碎) this plunger as easily as I had done so often in the past.

But as I poured my first cup of coffee, the plunger spilled (洒出) all over the table. Thankfully no one was around to see my disappointed face! I kept trying, but each morning would see me wiping up the coffee. Then I realized that if I poured very slowly there would be no spilling.

This was at first a very painful experience. My normal practice was to rush through breakfast so that I could get on with my day.

But in time I learned not only to pour slowly but to enjoy the experience: the smell, the taste, and the stillness of a new day.

It prompted (促使) me to reflect upon whether there were other areas of my life I was rushing through. Most of life, it seemed.

I started to leave extra time to do even the most ordinary tasks. When shop owners would apologize for keeping me waiting, I'd say, "Not a problem, I'm not in a hurry." Even hanging out washing became pleasurable when a couple of extra minutes of standing still and listening to the birds singing in the trees around me became part of my routine.

Besides, one of my favorite experiences living in the inner city for many years was sitting on the front doorstep of our home spending time with strangers. We sat on the steps, each of us with a cup of coffee in our hands, listening to each other's stories. It was one of the warmest things about living in a busy city. It was as if the world around us slowed to a pace (步伐) we could both handle.

Stillness and quietness not only slow the pace of life, but also feed the soul, helping us to enjoy the world's small pleasures.

The Greek philosopher Heraclitus once said that you can’t step into the same river twice, for you aren’t the same person at each visit and the water is ever flowing. It is a powerful way to show the reality that everything is always changing. Yet so many people have unpleasant relationships with change. We resist it or attempt to control it, the result of which is almost always some combination of stress, anxiety, and burnout. It doesn’t have to be that way.

No doubt, change can, and often does, hurt; but with the right mindset, it can also be a force for growth. A concept called allostasis can help. Developed in the late 1980s by neuroscientist Peter Sterling and biologist Joseph Eyer, allostasis is based on the idea that rather than being rigid, our healthy baseline is a moving target. Allostasis is defined as “stability through change”—the way to stay stable through the process of change is by changing.

From neuroscience to pain science and psychology, allostasis has become the dominant model for understanding change in the scientific community. The brain is at its best when it is constantly rewiring itself and making new connections. Overcoming pain is not about resistance or trying to get back to where you were but about balancing acceptance with problem-solving and moving forward to normal.

The time to start practicing is now. Over the past few years, the river of change has been flowing, and it shows no signs of letting up. Our ability to work with these changes is directly related to our life satisfaction. Given all this, simply creating a stable expectancy around change goes a long way. So does realizing that the allostasis mindset doesn’t ask us to do nothing. Rather, it asks us to partake in change by focusing on what we can control and trying to let go of what we can’t. When I catch myself resisting change, in my head I say the following: “This is what is happening right now. I’m doing the best that I can. What, if any, skillful actions can I take?” Do this repeatedly and finally you start to get better at it.

To thrive in our lifetime — and not just survive —we need to transform our relationship with change, leaving behind rigidity and resistance. We are always shaping and being shaped by change, often at the very same time.

Blind imitation is self-destruction. To those who do not recognize their unique worth, imitation appears attractive; to those who know their strength, imitation is unacceptable.

In the early stages of skill or character development, imitation is helpful. When I first learned to cook, I used recipes and turned out some tasty dishes. But soon I grew bored. Why follow someone else’s way of cooking when I could create my own? Imitating role modelsis like using training wheels on a child’s bicycle; they help you get going, but once you find your own balance, you fly faster and farther without relying on them.

In daily life, imitation can hurt us if we subconsciously (下意识地) hold poor role models. If, as a child, you observed people whose lives were bad, you may have accepted their fear and pain as normal and gone on to follow what they did. If you do not make strong choices for yourself, you will get the results of the weak choices of others.

In the field of entertainment, our culture glorifies celebrities. Those stars look great on screen. But when they step off screen, their personal lives may be disastrous. If you are going to follow someone, focus on their talent, not their bad character or unacceptable behaviors.

Blessed is the person willing to act on their sudden desire to create something unique. Think of the movies, books, teachers, and friends that have affected you most deeply. They touched you because their creations were motivated by inspiration, not desperation. The world is changed not by those who do what has been done before them, but by those who do what has been done inside them. Creative people have an endless resource of ideas. The problem a creator faces is not running out of material; it is what to do with the material knocking at the door of imagination.

Study your role models, accept the gifts they have given, and leave behind what does not serve. Then you can say, “I stand on the shoulders of my ancestors’ tragedies and declare victory, and know that they are cheering on.”